Do I Look Up My Old Hook-Up?
October 1, 2008 by Sweet Hot Counsel
Q: I’ll be starting my first year at a medium-sized firm later this month. I was a summer associate there last year and before I left, I hooked up with a fifth-year and it was weird (drunk, didn’t really talk about it after it happened, I think he may have had a girlfriend) and I haven’t really seen him since last summer. The office is pretty small and I know I’m going to see this guy all the time—and might even have to work for him. Should I stop by his office when I get there and just clear the air? I want to start on a clean slate and not have anything be awkward going forward. Or should I just pretend nothing happened?
A: Hm, let’s see: It’s been over a year since this drunken hook-up. This guy’s now a senior associate and is probably getting killed at work. He might’ve had a girlfriend at the time and didn’t make any effort to contact you afterward. You’re afraid things will be awkward when you see him, and you think awkwardly stopping by his office to have an awkward conversation may avoid any future awkwardness. Notice a theme here?
Come on. Just act like you would around anyone you’ve randomly (and maybe regrettably) hooked up with: Just be cool. Don’t go out of your way to stop by his office—that just makes you look insane, paranoid and borderline stalker-ish, like you’ve been focusing on this scenario for a year (which maybe you have). When you run into him—and it sounds like you will pretty soon—just give him a warm hello and ask him what he’s been up to over the past year. If he’s a typical, burned out senior associate, he’s probably been so slammed since your little episode that he barely remembers it. And if he does remember, chances are he doesn’t care. You were a summer. He was an associate. There was alcohol. It happens.
So, treat him like an old acquaintance you haven’t seen in a while instead of your sort-of-boss who may or may not have groped your boob after a summer booze cruise or whatever it was. If you act normal and a little charming, any residual awkwardness should be gone and you should have that clean slate you’re craving. Who knows, you may even get a little action out of it.
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Agreed. However, we remember the women we porkl. Even if we’re drunk, it’s not such a regular occurrance that a woman pulls down her panties and lets us pump our balls out until we drop. Women who accommodate that tend to be remembered. This guy may want to forget this woman now, as it has been a year, and there likely have been other hookups.
However, to the extent that he wants to revisit with her, she may well be fresher than other women around, and he can determine whether going back to the same sweet spot is worth his while. Clearly this woman appears not to be disinterested in that possibility–there is no indication she has found a substitute man to fill the void.
I’ve never forgotten any woman I have had in the sack. And I’ve been drunk, too. This woman would do well not to try and rekindle anything, as the guy probably just wanted to park his weenie for the night in her garage. If he is interested in doing it again, he knows where to find her.
“Pump our balls out”? Are you serious?
What a dillweed! What would you say: “Hi, remember me from last summer–I was the one who humped you behind the copying machine, and now I’m working here, so if you want to have at me again, let me know…”
Come on. The guy knows you’re there; theyve circulated lists of the new people (including pictures). Unless he was in a coma when you got screwed, he’ll remember you.