How Do I Survive the Firm Field Day?
October 9, 2008 by Sweet Hot Counsel
Q: I just started my first year at a huge firm in a major city. I didn’t summer there. Next week, all the first-years have to go to a 3-day weekend training “retreat” where we’re supposed to learn the basics of the firm and bond and whatever. I’ve heard it’s back-to-back mandatory group games and “trust exercises.” I admit I’m really shy and hardly know any of these people and the idea of doing trust games makes me want to die. How do I survive this weekend without making an ass of myself, but not coming off as antisocial? I am literally dreading it.
A: Oh god, this is horrible. (Not your question, the situation.) Why do these big law firms do this? Why do they make their lawyers “bond” over forced outdoor-games inanity—especially when the real bonding is going to happen, like it or not, when you’re stuck in a conference room with four other junior associates for three weeks straight plodding through some hideous doc review or diligence fire drill?
Well, the bad news is: You do have to participate in whatever horrid activities they’re going to foist on you at this so-called retreat. You probably don’t much have much choice in the matter, and to the extent you do, you don’t want to be the only one sitting out. Remember, unless you’re in a wheelchair, you’re more likely to make an ass of yourself if you’re the only person watching from the sidelines when everyone around you is sucking it up and…making asses of themselves. Refusing to participate will only draw more to attention to you.
Which brings me to the good news, though: You’re definitely not alone. Almost everyone there will be feeling the exact same way you do; no one truly enjoys this corporate field day crap. (Actually scratch that—there’s always at least one guy who does enjoy it. Identify him as soon as possible—he’ll more than likely be wearing a sweatshirt with the firm’s name on it and un-ironically using the words “dawg,” “homeboy,” and “booyah” as much as possible—and then avoid him for the rest of the weekend, nay, your tenure at the firm.)
And in the meanwhile, just buckle down, jump into that human pyramid / hula hoop snake / cardboard race-car-building competition with as much of a smile as you can muster, try to make a few friends, and the weekend will be over before you know it. And believe it or not, a few months from now, when you’re stuck in a windowless conference room on a Sunday afternoon sorting through 600 boxes of land use diligence, you’ll wish you were off in a field somewhere, doing trust falls with your fellow associates.
Good luck.
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Good advice. You don’t want to be known as the mousy new associate who didn’t summer there and who doesn’t like team participation. Corny as it sounds, you will get to meet (if not know) a lot of people you might only see otherwise on their way to/from the toilet. And trust me, you don’t want to meet those people in the toilet, where they are very self conscious about their activities.
Go enjoy it as much as you can; don’t go too far afield; you don’t want to be known as the loud new associate who can’t control her emotions either.
Who knows, maybe you’ll even meet some nice guy there and you will be able to better stomach long nites at the office with him. Think positive, not mousy!
Al: and why are we assuming the asker is a girl? Guys at my firm are just as big antisocial, non-athletic pussies as some of the girls…
El, I will bet my pecker it was a WOMAN (I’ve been trained not to use the term “girl” –is too demeaning for someone of stature and education. I think the moderator can fill us in. Guys are not going to admit they are shy, even if they are real wimps, you won’t have them writing in to this website to admit they are weenies.
You ought to try and work in firm, where men are men and women are women, and there is a good rapport between the men and women, if not more.
PS: I take it you are a woman, El (sometimes we come across androgenous types on the website, but somehow I have you pegged as a female)
Al’s right. The asker said “makes me want to die.” A man would say make me want to kill. Men act out more than women for the most part.. Don’t bet you pecker, El.
I wonder if El is short for Elmer Fudd or El MacPherson? It makes a big difference. If the latter, we will all be in awe of her. If the former, well, that is more like what we would expect, and we won’t have any wet dreams over that. Come clean “El”….
Come to think of it, maybe El stands for El Salvador or “Elevated Trains”, neither of which sound very appetizing for us “REAL” men.
For what it’s worth, I’ll bet $0.29 on the female gender. But no more, it’s not that clear.
More to the point: I also cringe at the mandatory group games; I hate the “forced friendship” component of it; I can picture the Dwight Schroot role as head cheerleader of it; and I know exactly how the writer feels, regardless of his/her gender.
And yet…I have to admit, the darn stuff can really work. I’ve seen it too often over the years. Forced interaction, no matter how flakey it sounds, really does create moments of levity, and shared experience, even if it’s a common bonding about the flakiness of the event.
Similarly, in the field of soft skills training, nothing beats role-plays; this is true despite that everyone (me too) universally groans when it comes time to do them. Yet we learn from them.
The ones who continue to protest, who opt out quickly or otherwise sabotage the games, are not the ones who we respect for their air of independence and inner security. In my experience, they are in fact the ones who are terrified of intimacy, who can’t take a joke, who are really struggling with an inability to get along well with others and are desperately looking for some way out.
They are, in short, kind of pathetic, in the sense of to-be-pitied.
My advice–grin and bear it, find a few yucks in it–and in so doing, you’ll actually get something out of it. Like a few friends.
Corporate american may be dumb, but it ain’t stupid. These things keep getting done for a decent reason. The world is moving in the direction of need more and more collaboration and teamwork, not less and less. And law firms are not exactly leading the way in playing nicely in the sandbox with others. We can all use this stuff. Suck it up, like medicine it’s good for you, you can tell by the bad taste.
I think she’s a woman too. These things can be fun, and for a new associate, a way to meet the rest of the class outside of a bar, where we can all have 1 too many!
I suggest she go, enjoy herself, and before you know it, she will have a bunch of new friends at the firm. After all, we want to enjoy our work, don’t we?
Hello. And Bye.