No Laughing Matter
October 27, 2008 by Legal Tease
I used to be a lot of things. Funny. Creative. Limber. Up for a good time. It didn’t take much to make me laugh. And when I did, it was genuine. And then I became a lawyer. And last night, I found myself at a hole-in-the-wall vodka bar with a group of fun-loving, actor-writer-creative types, and I realized that I had nothing to say. I couldn’t form the words in time to jump into a good riff or a joke. I had no cool work anecdotes or funny stories. I couldn’t relate to 98% of what these people were laughing about and I actually felt bad for anyone who had to sit next to me. It’s official: I’m no longer funny or interesting.
Since BigLaw types spend so much time surrounded by other BigLaw types, I didn’t see it coming. No one gives you a heads up that within weeks of your first paycheck, that old standby known as your Sense of Humor will be firmly packed away in the bowels of the Firm along with its good friends, Joie de Vivre and Sense of Style. You don’t realize it until it’s too late. And by then, you’ve gone from being the life of the party to the girl no one wants to sit next to at the party. Not that anyone’s inviting you to parties anyway.
Sure, some of my awkward, socially challenged fellow BigLaw associates think I’m a riot. Then again, my blind grandma thinks I’m a ringer for Penelope Cruz. (If only.) The truth is, I don’t care all that much about actually being funny—I just want to laugh again. Or at least leak out a smile. Things that would normally have had me in stitches now leave me stone-faced. My sense of humor has lost all levity, all goofiness. I’m no longer good at being silly. Or quippy. And when I do attempt to crack comedic, it’s steeped in anger or contempt. I now use phrases like “stab him in the face” or “rip his balls off” as punch lines more than any person ever should.
So, thanks, BigLaw. Thanks for that. A little warning would’ve been nice. Say, in that really engaging recruiting promo-video you made me watch during orientation. You could’ve just added one of those big, bold, Pfizer-esque warnings at the end—just after the gorgeous Korean girl shakes hands with the natty black guy: “Side effects may include, dizziness, stomach cramps, and complete lack of comedic timing or ability to laugh.”
It is too bad law firm does this to women. As I’ve said before, perhaps you are, by nature, passive, and the law firm has turned you into pit bull. What you need is spend more time with non-legal friends, not isolate yourself with lawyers, maybe even share an apartment with a friend who is not a lawyer. At least you’ll have some time guaranteed away from the legal profession. You won’t turn immediately into a spontaneous comedianne, but over time, you should shed some of the hostility so much associated with the female lawyers today.
I agree with Mr. Xuan. The writer should find a guy whose not a lawyer, and then not try to control the guy. Relax, woman, and try to let the guy drive. If after a month of this you don’t agree, then you can go back to being “in charge” (a.k.a. a beeotch on wheels). For the time being, remember, let the guy call the shots. You may be pleasantly surprised.
Awww, BFW. You’re still funny. You need to get a new job though, it’s only gonna get worse.
Why is it that regardless of what the author writes, commenters chime in with sexist and unrelated statements? This piece has nothing to do with WOMEN becoming uninteresting. It has to do with lawyers becoming uninteresting. And I’ll attest to the fact that it is not something that plagues only female lawyers–male lawyers are just as boring. And none of this has anything to do with who is in the “driver’s seat” in a relationship.
I’m sure someone will turn my post into something about how I’m a “fugly biatch” who couldn’t get a man. So let me preemptively say that the people writing the offensive comments here and on the last piece are mindless tools who I hate to even share the internet with, let alone my bed.
Awe, BFW, your posts are still funny and witty!! Maybe it was just an off-night?? I mean com’on you can’t be “on” ALL the time…everyone has an off night.
)ps. Anonymous @8:57 am …I concur! )
To the anonymous beeotch–it is clear the article is written by a woman, not a man….Read more carefully before lashing out.
“And by then, you’ve gone from being the life of the party to the GIRL no one wants to sit next to at the party.”
You too may be a GIRL that no one wants to sit next to. And if we don’t want to sit next to you, don’t worry, we sure don’t want to go to bed with you either. There are plenty of other beeotches around if all we want is that.
You oughta take the advice of the chinese guy– get over yourself and be passive for a change. Guys get tired of demanding whiny women who think they know it all, but don’t. She’s right. You really need a good old fashioned humpin’.
At the risk of taking the trollz’ obvious bait, Southern Lawyer and the “anonymous beeotch” have it right — the fact that the author of the article may be a GIRL has nothing to do with the fact that its LAWYERS that become boring, both male and female. The article could just as easily have been written by a guy and the observations would be the same.
I take your point, El. We can all be boring, men and women. Thank you for enlightening us. BTW, what is El short for? Eldorado? El Camino, Elephant? El Cid? Please enlighten us.
Wilbur Moore, I am female, not male. You are not paying attention. Maybe you also need to relax! Get yourself a date and see what happens.
Very interesting. Men lawyers not interested in women lawyers, women lawyer mad at men lawyers for not being interested in them. Has makings of the classical sex farce–all we need is maybe for Albert Scheissman to star in show. Perhaps any women will want to audition here. Please to send Scheissman or me e-mail with particulars. Note that I am not attorney.
I think it’s interesting how certain male lawyers have chosen to attack anonymous female lawyers’ attractiveness. Think about it: they have no idea what these women look like or how they are personality-wise, yet they feel the need to attack the “idea” of female lawyers, underscoring the fact that what they really don’t like are women who a) make as much money as they do, b) share the same interests they do or c) share the same ambition they do. Interesting and sad. But I suspect that the men who choose to voice these opinions anonymously online are either half serious or the bottom of the barrel self-esteem wise. Many male lawyers I know are dating very accomplished women who are their intellectual equals or superiors. And they’re beautiful to boot.
I agree. The men on this site are very sexist.
“Think about it: they have no idea what these women look like or how they are personality-wise, yet they feel the need to attack the “idea” of female lawyers, underscoring the fact that what they really don’t like are women who a) make as much money as they do, b) share the same interests they do or c) share the same ambition they do. Interesting and sad.”
An overly broad and sexist comment if I ever saw one. Over generalizing males (even just the ones on this board) as insensitive, jealous, etc. One possible interpretation is that this is just another example of classic over-compensation for one’s own perceived inadequacy or legitimacy as a beautiful AND successful woman. It shows, indirectly, through these kinds of visceral reactions to existing stereotypes that serve to perpetuate the rift.
I wonder whether anyone on this board can actually guess my sex from this post correctly. And furthermore, *most* of both women AND men in BigLaw are physically unattractive. If you went to a top 5 school or practice BigLaw, you cannot in good faith not agree with me. Unless you have really, really low standards for physical attractiveness.
Alex = a female who in all likelihood needs more regular rolls in the hay, if not from the unattractives at Big Law, from some other dilweeds.
Hey, she got f***ed after all. You see, who says no one was interested in giving you a good F****! congratulations to you! But next time, make Eileen happy and tell us that you used protection.
I found this post right on target. Although not an attorney, I’ve worked in law firm administration.
In my early work years, I was the life of the party. So much so that I was actually invited to the parties of others that I didn’t know just because I was “that funny guy from X’s party…”
My career and education demanded such focus that years later when I am around more counter-culture types, I feel like I have almost nothing to say. I’ve even been asked if I’ve always been shy!
Those in BigLaw in particular require such dedication and almost single-minded focus on the pursuit of their goals for such a long time, it is often at the expense of all else.
As for the other comments, it has nothing to do with “being a bitch” or any other sexist crap. It’s a fact of life with those that pursue the practice of law at anything higher than a Tier 3 school.
SS
I agree.
Someone just forwarded me this site, so forgive me for being a little late to the party. I’m not convinced it’s the big firm life that steals away comedic virtues, I think it may be law school. When you’re taught to dissect language, either body language or conversation, to it’s atomic structure, it’s difficult to find the off-beat correlations that normal people find funny. Comedy is the well timed revelation of an association that no one saw coming, a slight of hand. We’re either looking too small or too far into the future. Jokes with three moves aren’t funny to most people. It’s hard to find things surprising when you’re conditioned to the ridiculous.
I was talking to a friend from undergrad yesterday and FINALLY made a joke. I was so proud of myself, which is sad considering where I used to be.