Do I Bail on the Firm Holiday Party?

Q: Despite hard times in the world of BigLaw, my firm will have a holiday party this year, but I don’t want to go.  I’m a first-year associate, so the event would ideally be a great opportunity to make a good impression on partners and decrease my chances of getting booted in the next round of layoffs.  In fact, I’ve been told that attendance and intra-firm networking at events like this one is where one gets a reputation as a “team player,” even more so than at work.  I’m not one to turn down an open bar, but two potential pitfalls present themselves.  First, I tend to take the concept of “all you can drink” seriously. I woke up nearly every post-event morning of my summer associate gig wondering what verbal diarrhea I had spewed the night before (although I still got the offer).  Second, I’m very much single, so I not only lack a date to keep me in check, but I also run the risk of a drunken inter-office hook-up, whether initiated by me or by a female attorney.  As a firm believer in not shitting where I eat, I don’t want to hurt any feelings or get a rep as the office manwhore three months into the gig because I have poor impulse control.

Should I avoid the party by lying about some previous engagement and risk getting pegged as a guy who doesn’t play well with others, or should I suck it up and run the very real risk of making a fool of myself? The split-the-baby solution of making a short appearance seems reasonable (even if I run the risk of finding that I like it and staying), but the general question remains: how mandatory is the holiday party?

A: Two words: You’re going.  Sorry to break it to you, but (for this layoff-laden year at least) the firm holiday party is mandatory—especially if you’re a first-year who no one even knows. You need to show your face and let the powers that be know that you’re part of the team and ready to work, for better or worse. Actually, in your case, we may want to scratch the “worse” part—which brings me to a question of my own: Have you no self-control, man?  I mean, honestly, are you trying to get fired?  I understand that an open bar may be tempting, but try not to think of this particular one in terms of “all you can drink” as much as “all you can drink without making a complete ass of yourself in front of people who weigh the burden of your employment in their cold little hands.”

Remember, this party—or any party that the firm is behind—is business, not pleasure. Treat it like a client meeting, a closing, a deposition, a funeral—whatever gets you through the night without winding up slopping Patron drool over some unwitting passed-out second-year with your pants wrapped around your ankles in full view of the Executive Committee. What’s the upside there? Free cocktails? You’re a fancy BigLaw lawyer now; free drinks shouldn’t hold the appeal they once did. Or at least you should act like they don’t.

So, suck it up, go, and sure, have a drink—ONE drink—and nurse it the whole time.  No one will notice—or care—that you’re not on free drink #7. And time-wise, you have the right idea: Stay for only  a couple of hours, max, and then head out (you can always use the excuse of another holiday party if you have to).  If you’re jonesing at this point for more holiday cheer, go meet some non-firm friends.  Or strangers. Meet them at a bar, holiday party of their own, whatever your pleasure. And if you’re still feeling the need to get your inner drunken manhwore on, by all means have at it.  It is the holidays, after all. Just make sure the only BigLaw lawyer witnessing the holiday debauchery is you.

Good luck (and happy holidays).

Need advice?  Email our Sweet Hot Counsel at counsel@sweethotjustice.com.