Strike!

Please just tell me, once and for all: Do I have something stamped across my face?  No, really.  Is there some sort of watermark, a scar, a sign that screams “Only Social Deviants and Hostile Nerds Need Apply”?  Because that’s the only thing I can think of to explain why, within minutes of walking into the “Year-End Cocktail Bowling Bash!” for the firm’s corporate department (I know, no words), I’m cornered by a guy who is easily the most aggressively awkward partner at the Firm.  Let’s call him Les Metz.  Les Metz, who’s been divorced twice at 41, who has a sleep apnea mask hanging on the back of his office door, who brought his own bowling ball to this ersatz holiday party, and who’s made it his apparent mission to teach me how to bowl tonight.  Oh, and who just returned to the Firm last week from a month-long leave for a case of shingles.

Jealous already?  Just wait. [Read more]

Do I Really Need to Go to Work This Week?

Q:  As of January 1, I’ll be a first-year at a “big firm” on the east coast. I started in November and it has been completely dead since I started.  Technically, the firm is open every day this week except for New Year Day itself.  But no one’s around—all the partners seem to be gone for the holidays and my floor is pretty much empty. My question: Do I really need to show up this week?  I don’t have any special plans, per se, but it seems stupid just to come in, do nothing, bill zero hours and then leave.  The only thing is, I have no hours and nothing lined up for the new year, and the firm keeps telling us to check in with people and be generally available in case anything comes up. I don’t want to miss out on anything that may come up this week or seem like a slacker, but it seems like no one’s around to see me either way.  Is it normal to just bail the week between Christmas and New Year’s if everything’s this dead? [Read more]

How Do I Handle Holiday Gifts for the Secretary Pool?

Q:  I am a stub-year associate at a mid/big law firm in New York.  I have a cluster of secretaries that I share with the rest of my class, and I want to give them gifts.  How much of a gift would you say is appropriate per secretary?  And is money generally preferred?  I was thinking of getting them actual gifts. [Read more]

A Rose by Any Other Name

Even in this crap economy, one heavy with associate layoffs, slashed bonuses, and a general sense of fear leaking through the halls of law firms coast-to-coast, one vestige of BigLaw life still seems to be holding strong.  You’re familiar with it, even if you don’t realize it.  You’ve seen it before, smelled it before, openly admired it before.  Hell, you may even have it on your desk right now.  It’s been around as long as the billable hour and not even a recession can kill it: Whore Flowers. And if my firm’s a decent indicator, they’re not going away anytime soon. [Read more]