How Do I Reject My Colleagues on Facebook?
January 15, 2009 by Sweet Hot Counsel
Q: My coworkers (mostly associates in my class, but a few senior associates I’ve worked with and a paralegal, too) keep asking me to be their “friend” on Facebook. I’m social enough at work, but try to keep my work life and personal life as separate as possible when I’m not actually at the office and I’d like to keep it that way. I don’t want to come off like a dick, though, for refusing the friend request. Do I just ignore the requests, or tell them in person that I have a personal policy of not accepting coworkers as Facebook “friends”?
A: Hmm, rethinking those Bar Trip 2007 digital pics of you in your law school alma mater t-shirt licking Jäger off some Tijuanan stripper’s implants, are we? I get it, I do. I understand the desire to keep what little of a personal life you may have to yourself, but your situation doesn’t quite seem to rise to the level of, say, being pressured into a group vacation with your supervising senior associate and your respective families. It’s Facebook, for the love of God. Is it really such a big part of your social life? How much time do you actually spend on it? Unless that’s the problem in the first place…? Because more than anything, it seems like you’re more concerned with having your coworkers find out what you have lurking on your Facebook page. Which isn’t an unreasonable concern…depending on what you have on there, of course.
If you really do have some sort of insane profile that exposes you as a latent (or blatant) perv with no life who trolls Facebook 24/7, definitely make sure that no one from work—or from your real life, for that matter—ever gets wind of it. (Though, sorry to break it to you: they eventually will. Just a thought.) But assuming your profile is the average, slightly embarrassing but mostly innocuous variety, if you really don’t want your “real” friends overlapping with your work friends, then just…ignore the friend request. Who cares? Most people send out these requests just to rack up their “friend” numbers and to have someone to stalk when work is slow—they probably searched for everyone they knew from work and you popped up. Not to mention they’ll probably forget all about it within a few minutes of making the request in the first place. (Unless, of course, you decide to tell them, as you suggest, that you have a “personal policy of not accepting coworkers as Facebook ‘friends.’” Please, please, do not do this. You will not, as you fear, “come off like a dick.” You’ll come off like a huge loser. One who’ll be ridiculed for the rest of his tedious, painful tenure at the firm. Really.)
So, calm down, take the fact that anyone wants to be your “friend”—online or otherwise—as a compliment, and move on. And maybe try to get out just a little more. I hear Tijuana’s decent this time of year…
Need advice? Email our Sweet Hot Counsel at counsel@sweethotjustice.com.
Facebook is just another way of reaching out for a connection in this impersonal world. The writer is uncomfortable over the ramifications of being considered a Facebook friend with the requestor; if this is the case, he can politely decline the request. It is much like the Linked In website. Everyone wants to be linked, much like the Six Degrees of Separation, which often reveals who has connected with famous people. I recommend that the person follow his instinct, and ignore the request. Otherwise, he will have “friends” he really does not want.
Add them.
Then simply use privacy control – limit them to the basics and no access our Wall or Album.
That way, you’re still sociable but no skin off your nose.
- Better still,
Change your settings so people cant send you a request. Most people won’t go through the trouble of sending you an email to request that you add them.
Yes, and make sure also you don’t list your firm name in your profile – guaranteed to get requests from every staff and junior associate if you do.
Dude, if you’re really worried about co-workers friending you on a social networking site, you need all the friends you can get. Suck it up.
I find it very interesting that in this legal world where people are getting laid off every week, that people are still concerned with trivial questions like this. I can’t tell if its escapism, and therefore healthy, or just a result of being an idiot. Either way, the question-er should be grateful he/she has coworkers in the first place. Many others aren’t so lucky right now.
Um, just ignore them…?
I would get all the friends I could, for now. Who knows with the economy and all, you may need a friend down the road. But make sure that if you agree to be friends, that it’s just friends. There should be NO expectation of any kind of sex. You control your body, and make sure that you do not create the implication of a sexual relationship by being listed.
I know that there are plenty of times a guy, when asked about his relationship with a woman, will slyly laugh or gesture, intimating that he has been sexual with a woman, when in fact the woman has not even touched him (or been touched by him). It’s difficult to undo people’s perceptions. I’ve even been looked at with a leering eye by men who think I have F***ed their friends, when I have not even known them.
We must be careful to preserve our reputations, and that starts with being agreeable to be a facebook friend. You don’t want to give your picture over, particularly if you appear to be happy, as that too connotes some kind of sexual connection, or will be built into it by the guy with his sleazebag friends.
Gosh, Eileen, again you bring everything back to sex, and how all the boys are after your crotch. Give me a break. No one is going to impregnate you, unless, of course, you believe in immaculate conception. We aren’t that interested in you or the many men who have lusted after you. You are in need of a good HUMP, but not from me, mind you, not me.
Don’t worry, Hump, I will not be offering up my cooter to you, now or ever. There are plenty of worthier men already in line who I can’t ever get to, so rest assured, I will not go wanting for male attention, thank you very much! YOU are the one that needs a place to park your weenie, but it is not going to be anywhere near me.
This post has NOTHING to do with sex — why are you people making it about that? “Eileen” being the biggerst offender, as usual. Boo.
Go lite on Eileen, she must have had issues with men in her past, and/or she comes to write here at a time of the month when her stench trench is giving her fits.
People ignore me all the time. No biggie!
Actually, it makes me angry and you know, you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry…