How Do I Handle a Bad Law-School Hook-Up?
February 2, 2009 by Legal Tease
Q: OK, so I did something bad. I’m at a top 30 law school and I hooked up with a classmate. He’s been kind of distant and is now saying we should just be friends. I know it was just a bad bad idea to begin with, but, what’s the best course of action from here on out? Block him from Gchat, Facebook? Or just act like nothing happened and forget about all of this nonsense? I’ve just never been the type of girl to hook up with a guy without being in a relationship so I’m kind of at a loss about why he doesn’t have feelings for me and what to do from here on out.
A: Here’s the good news: You are hugely overreacting to the hook-up situation. What exactly did you do that was so “bad”? Is the guy married or your professor or your uncle or something? In case it’s not already blaringly obvious, law school is one big, absurd extension of high school, complete with nonstop hook-ups (random, regrettable, and otherwise). One little groping with a classmate you hardly knew shouldn’t be a cause for alarm. So, your first course of action is to calm down and get a sense of perspective on the sitch. (And OK, fine, yes, this advice is coming from a girl who recently had relations on the floor of her office with a law school sort-of friend she hardly knew. So, you know, grain of salt.)
It sounds, though, that your bigger concern is how to act around this guy now—since you were interested in an actual relationship, he was just interested in a little strings-free action, and now he’s treating you like a stale hooker, yes? Or at least making you feel like one?
Your best course of action with this jackass, whether you want to just save face or leave doors open for something more, is to just be the coolest girl in the world. Or at your law school, at least. Act totally normal around him—smile and say hello when you see him, make sure to make eye contact, maybe even flirt a little (but nothing too over the top). Definitely keep him on Gchat and Facebook and just proceed as you would’ve with him before the hook-up. The key is not to act like you don’t care—or that you’re the kind of girl who has no problem with relationship-free hook-ups, because clearly, you’re not—it’s to act like you’re mature and worldly enough to acknowledge an awkward situation and move on. (And BTW, if you do pull this off, chances are more likely than not that the guy will be sniffing around again sometime soon. So predictable.)
So stop being so hard on yourself and go focus your energies on a man—a real man, preferably not one in law school—worth your time. Good luck!
Need advice? Email our Sweet Hot Counsel at counsel@sweethotjustice.com.
Good advice – particularly the part about finding a man not in law school!
A guy being distant after a random one-night stand. Stop the presses. Where do you go to law school?!?!?!
When I was in my first year of law school, I tried to connect with one or 2 of the better looking ones in my class. However, I didn’t stand a chance, since they were spotted by the third years. The two that I tried with wound up doing very well, as they were “counseled” by the third years in exchange for getting their bottoms knocked out.
Resigned to wait until I was a third year, I had to make do with some local college talent.
Once I was a 3rd year, I became a B.M.O.C., and needless to say, there were 1 or 2 (ouf of 220) good looking women looking for “guidance and counseling.”
I managed to hook up with one, for 2 months. We both got what we wanted. She’s a lawyer in Philadelphia now, likely getting banged by the partners at her firm.
this isn’t a law school problem, its a man/society/dating/courtship/world problem. sorry to break it to you, but you have a whole life ahead of you of being used and treated like s**t by entitled a**holes who act that way because they can. and sorry again, but they’re ten times worse in law/banking. steel yourself now.
Wait a minute. Why condemn the guy? Who asked this dame to spread like peanut butter. She’s the one who hooked up; what’s the guy to think? All of a sudden she’s to be treated like Mother Teresa? What does she expect. If a woman puts out on day 1, and then is looking for a “relationship” that is not fair to the guy. I think she should just scrape herself off the bed, and move on with her life.
I agree that maybe the guy will come “a-sniffin” again, particularly if the sex was good. If not, he’ll move on, and the fact he just wants to be “friends” now may be some indication that she is not worth it, and he’s already moved on to fresher meat.
The woman was careless, and now she’s losing her heart to some guy who slobbered all over her and is now distant? She should get her wits about herself and NOT cry over spilt semen. While she should have kept her legs together, the man is probabley not too honest either. Perhaps she thought she could form a relationship with him, and now she’s woken up and smelled the coffee and it’s rotten.
My advice is to forget this slimy dork. There may be some better fish in the sea, and not this guy. If she needs a release in the future, there are tantric methods of autoeroticism which provide a far better release than this guy’s little wiener. She need only google it and for $39.95, she might never go back to live wieners again. Morover, there is no contraception needed with these handy devices.
Two assumptions made by Alex Hump render him being classified as a never-got-any-in-law-school-moron:
1) It was never stated that this chick put out on Day 1.
2) “hook up” doesn’t necessarily mean had sex.
That being said, it’s clear that no one ever “hooked up” with you during law school and you’re probably not getting any now, which is clear by your ridiculous comments all over this site. Not that you would know, but sometimes law school hook ups are more complicated than a one night stand type of thing…but again, wouldn’t expect you to understand because the ladies you managed to hook probably ran out of your apartment after that debaucherous night of drinking and then bad sex thinking “man, he’s not worth it….time to move on to fresher and BETTER meat.”
Don’t be putting down my friend, Alex. Of course “hooking up” means sex. What do YOU think it means? The girl is remorseful because she ripped her coat on the car door? What kind of twat-brain are you? You sound particularly bitter; but that’s not my problemo, Madame Tousseau. We’re also not particularly interested in examining, much less probing your stench trench anyway.
hooking up only = sex? Maybe if you’re some sort of trailer trash hooker, but believe it or not, there are actually some girls out there who *don’t* have sex every time they touch a man. (Oh and it’s Madam ToussAUDS, btw. Maybe work the google before you make an idiotic reference in an already idiotic comment.)
It’s Bill Dugan, when does anyone ever expect anything intelligent to come from him?
If a woman “hooks up” with a man, 99.5% of the world knows she has had some kind of sex with him. Don’t get technical, like Bill Clinton, about whether a BJ is not sex. It is sex. You DONT have to penetrate the honey hole for there to be sex. No one is saying women have to have sex with a man every time they touch him, but if his dick is in her mouth, that, my friend is sex. So that is why the woman is remorseful. Whether she gave him a BJ took it up the cooter or the rear end, she is sad because he is not now interested in her. He’s moved on to happier hunting grounds for a myriad of reasons. Stop defending her. She’s just sad for giving it up so soon that the man does not respect her (other than maybe to come back when he’s super horney for a quickie). Beeotch.
It’s nice to have some support from my buddies. It’s not often that the HUMPster can count on help when getting gangtackled by a bunch of outraged Amazons who are sorely in need of a crate of Massingills to hose out the fish farm. I stand by what I said. The woman should not have “hooked” up if she was going to be “second guessing” her actions now. I’ll bet Eileen never had this kind of problem. If this woman followed her lead, she would not be whining now, and these other cows wouldn’t be springing to her defence.
I agree to a limited extent, with the male posts in that they do correctly point out the regret this woman feels for compromising her morals with an ungrateful fellow law student.
In any school / academic environment, we are expected to learn, and in learning, we all make mistakes. Perhaps this woman is concerned about her public perception–will she be viewed negatively by the peers of the man who is now spuring her? Will she be able to survive in the work environment where a mistake like this could label her for her career in a legal firm environment; how will she be able to address other workaday situations where moral fortitude is required?
If a law firm partner asked her to create a document that was not 100% above board, could she do it or would she have the ability to stand up for what is right? These are all issues we must face in life.
This issue, about whether she should have slept with the man and what she should do now, in the big scheme of things, is very small — possibly smaller than the man’s penis. The fact that this woman hooked up with the man should not be reason for hand-wringing. No terrible consequences ensued. Presumably , she still has her health, she is not pregnant, and she is not being taunted by her classmates for hooking up with the man.
I would tell her to move on with her life, as the Legal Tease does. There will be plenty of reasons in her life going forward for consternation, but this is not one of them.
Xuan, you are pretty cool Thanks for the vote of confidence.
Hump, you are at least right about ONE thing. I never had any regrets about whether I should/should not have done something with some snivvelly male law student whose only goal was to “tag” me. By refusing any of these advances, I retained my purity for someone who would not just chalk me up as another one on his list.
I recommend the woman here forget the big mistake she made; after all, she cannot undo the sex she had with this jerk. What she must remember, is NOT to do it again. Wait for the right guy, who you can trust. Trust is built up over time. Find a guy who is interested in doing things for you that do NOT involve sexual things. If the guy is willing to stick with you through tough times (usually over a year), you can then count on him over time.
Once you find such a guy (there are a few that are out there), hold on for dear life. Once you know he treats you right, make sure to reat him right, and you will both be very happy.
fraud.
Xuan Lin is pretty cool, Bill. If she weren’t married, I’d make a play for her myself.
I know. You are an OK poster. You seem to have your head in the right place most of the time. I cannot properly psychoanalyse any of you based solely on your webposts; hence I limit my comments to generalisations applicable in nearly all instances to the posts I see. I remain concerned about Eileen and her need to effect the equivalent of mental castration on any men that cross her semblance of moral behavior. It is easy enough to ignore bad posts, Eileen; these are not men you would spend your life with, let alone your love life. I think it best for you to take things lighter.
Xuan Lin, if you know any good looking college aged girls in need of a sexual release, I live in Western Pennsylvania, not far from Pittsburgh.
The author of http://www.sweethotjustice.com has written an excellent article. You have made your point and there is not much to argue about. It is like the following universal truth that you can not argue with: No matter how much you dumb down something, someone out there is dumber. Thanks for the info.