Comments on: How Do I Sneak Off to My Therapist During Work?

By: LawyerNYC

LawyerNYC — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 01:40:20 +0000

Perhaps I’m thread-jacking a little, but really? I mean, I have a hard time believing that you all are so short on time given these lengthy diatribes (that’s directed at both the author of the post and those commenting so negatively). I call bullshit. Moreover, it’s a legitimate question for someone who has never worked in BigLaw before to ask.

I also think the “de rigeur for a lot of New Yorkers” is the asker’s attempt at a little self-deprecating humor.

Also, more careful proofreading on SHJ, maybe?

By: Employment Lawyer

Employment Lawyer — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 16:59:18 +0000

Have you heard of the ADA? Easier than ever to go to HR, tell them you need 1-2 hours off in the middle of the day once per week as as “reasonable accommodation” for a serious medical condition, and that you’ll make up the time elsewhere. If they don’t let you, you have an EEOC claim for disability discrimination. Sure it could side track your career, but…

By: NJ

NJ — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 05:35:40 +0000

This is easy. You tell HR you have a regular medical appointment you need to keep, and you go. If someone has a problem with it, refer them to HR.

A quarter of your partners likely are in therapy, and the others likely should be. People accomodate these kinds of needs all the time. And big law is actually fairly easy to navigate if you’re reasonably upfront and have a spine. Which, sadly, is rare.

Or, as the various posters suggest, you could just duck your head between your legs and search for happiness in the sand beneath your feet. Good luck with that. Watch the Conformist if you need a reminder as to why that’s a bad idea.

By: Li Yuan

Li Yuan — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 04:02:43 +0000

I agree completely with the women above. It is so refreshing to read the intelligent comments the women on this site have (for a while I thought I was the only one with insight), while the male lawyers are very coarse, if not base, in their commentary. I feel that there is hope for those who seek out professional counseling, and encourage the inquirer to persue this, if not during work hours, then after hours and on weekends.

By: Kari

Kari — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 20:16:21 +0000

Well, it would seem after seeing the initial reactions to your post is that your best bet would be to find someone who can see you on weekends or late evenings. You are going to a rather unsympathetic job environment and you must adapt accordingly.
It is totally possible to find someone with weekend hours in NYC. Another option to consider is to continue to have sessions with your current ‘team’ via phone (same fees apply as a regular face to face session). A lot of psychologists and psychiatrists are willing to have sessions over the phone; especially if you have been seeing them for an extended amount of time. Again, if they have hours that are not overlapping with your work hours pick those.
You are going to have to prove yourself in your first 6 months to a year there. Meaning: Do not under any circumstances bring your non-work issues to work. You need to focus on proving to your new boss(es) that you were the absolute right hire. Try to avoid making situations like ’sneaking away’. People will notice and they will not like it. Given time you may find opportunities for greater flexibility-just don’t expect them right off the bat.
This being said-your health is your number one priority. You will never be able to function at your best level at your job if you are not taking care of yourself. Don’t be afraid to try out several different shrinks if you don’t like the ones you first find.
There is nothing wrong with seeing therapists. It doesn’t make you weak or bad or not good enough. However, when you are at work you have to professional. How much you should reveal to your co-workers when it comes to mental health is up for debate. Different offices and different fields provide many different levels of compassion and understanding. Overall though, Big Law is not a compassionate work environment. So you have to look out for yourself and keep these particular issues away from work as long as you choose to work there. That’s just a matter of fact, you can’t take it personally, like the same way you can’t wear flip-flops to your new job either.
Realize that should you want to find a job where you can go off to your therapist mid-day (or wear flip flops),you can and if that’s what makes you happy/comfortable/sane, it says absolutely nothing about your aptitude or capacity for hard work. You are making a choice to enter Big Law and you have to follow their rules and their culture.

By: Darlene

Darlene — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 16:21:48 +0000

I completely agree with Jessica’s comments. It is possible to repress everything in order to get through your first years of Big Law, but that just means more work returning to your authentic self when everything breaks down. Whatever you do, find a way to continue to see your therapist regularly. You’ll be working for people with extremely dysfunctional perspectives about what matters in life, and the person who sees a therapist is NOT the crazy one.

If possible, add a coach to your team–one who can help you tailor your strategy to the specific personalities you find yourself dealing with. Coaches are very practical. They help you with the here and now and getting you to where you want to be. There are coaches out there who have had experience in the legal world and therefore understand exactly what you’re dealing with.

I balanced therapy and Big Law for 6 years, but I made a lot of mistakes along the way, including overuse of the “doctor’s appointment”. Substance abuse and depression are common among lawyers, but no law firm human resources department is going to give it the serious attention it deserves during orientation.

By: Bill

Bill — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 21:38:38 +0000

You are pretty cool for a 3L. Let’s hope you keep this attitude up as you enter the profession.

By: Jessica

Jessica — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 19:34:22 +0000

Quite frankly I’m very surprised at the negative reactions people have had to this question. I don’t believe the asker seriously thinks all New Yorkers have a platoon of therapists at their beck and call; rather s/he was making a joke to ease into a serious question. It also seems like s/he has a realistic view of what life at a firm is like: i.e. no time for anything. As someone who is a 3L law student and currently attending therapy, i was looking forward to a serious answer and discussion about this topic. While the likelihood of my entering a firm as an associate in the next few years is looking less likely by the moment, when I do get there I know I will need to find a way to continue therapy. It’s not a matter of self-indulgence or ignorance of the realities of the legal profession, it’s that I know I have issues that, without treatment, could adversely affect my performance at work. Take the example above: would you have someone with a chronic knee injury stop doing physical therapy just because they moved to a new city and job? Not only would that prevent them from performing optimally, it would also effect their long term health and fitness. The same goes for therapy. Just like your body, your mind needs frequent check-ups and sometimes long-term treatment.

I’ll step off my pulpit now and I hope I haven’t offended anyone.

P.S. S/he probably needs a psychiatrist and psychologist because psychologists can’t write prescriptions and psychiatrists usually don’t conduct therapy. Two different doctors for two different needs.

By: Amelia

Amelia — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 15:49:39 +0000

Two words, Wilbur.

Gay.

Metrosexual.

Males are becoming more effeminate in American society, and I know plenty of guys who would benefit from some Pilates, a two hour massage, and LOTS of therapy from both a psychiatrist and a psychologist. [quirks eyebrows]

…and Wilbur, HONEY…you sound like you’re overcompensating. *comfort pat* Take a deep breath, your manliness isn’t going to be challenged on the interwebz, honest.

By: Wilbur Moore

Wilbur Moore — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 05:28:17 +0000

Hey El and Amelia, The Sweet Hot Counsel called her “honey” and talked to her about pilates and massages as must haves. Name one man that would find any of those things desirable. It’s a chick thing, Face it, men don’t give a crap about any of that, including therapy. In fact, the only thing good to a guy about a dame therapist is if she’s a hot sex therapist who will practice on the guy what she preaches. Get it? Good. Now stop thinking up these dumb questions!