BigLaw Bros: Why Slam Pieces Don’t Want You

March 1, 2011 by  

Bros of BigLaw, I love you, but I’m worried about you.  You’re confused.  You’re angry.  And you should be.  You’ve been told, by each other, that cementing your place as a certified cog in the BigLaw cash wheel would lead to a life slick with sick paychecks, sicker bonuses and a bevy of models and bottles waiting to revel in the sickness with you.

But…it’s not working out so well for most of you so far.  The disposable ladies aren’t lining up on their knees like you thought they might.  One of you even reached out recently to Above the Law to ask—nay demand—some guidance as to how a BigLaw dudebro could cut through all the nonsense and just “find pretty, young, not-too-intelligent slam pieces on the reg.” Elie, bless his heart, advised that all you need to do is to basically target cutters with daddy issues.  Decent advice, especially if you happen to live near your local mental ward—but I think Elie missed the mark.  He neglected to mention the crucial, the obvious, the only way the average BigLaw Bro will ever have a real shot at slamming his way through the prettiest, not-too-intelligent-est “slam pieces” on the market:

Be an investment banker.

Or a hedge-fund guy.  Or a TV producer.  Or a cowboy.  Pretty much anything besides a lawyer.  Because, I hate to break it to you boys, but a young, hot, genuine grade-A “slam piece” (i.e. one trained in NY or LA) views a male lawyer with about as much interest as she views the Barneys Warehouse Sale: It beats shopping at Target, but it’s still mostly hideous, mildly shameful and a far cry from the real thing.

And this, guys, is why you have more in common with lady lawyers than you thought. For years, women lawyers have been presumptively dismissed—mostly by you—as hideous beast-looking mole people, unloveably argumentative shrews, or emasculating wage-toppers. But that sword that you’re so quick to whip out to shred us to pieces cuts both ways, boys.  The existence of a penis doesn’t change the fact that you’re still a lawyer.  You still work until midnight every night.  You still live your life in billable six-minute increments.  You still spend your days doing the work no one else wants to do.  Yes, you may occasionally be invited to sit at the big table, but it’s only to make sure that the guy who owns the big table doesn’t accidentally set it on fire.  You’re not the Masters of the Universe; you just work for them.

And this, of course, is the real reason why premium slam pieces don’t want BigLaw Bros: Slam pieces don’t date the staff.  They date the boss.  And even if you’re a partner at Cravath, you’re still just a glorified butt boy for some 31-year-old managing director or CEO.  Sure, you might be making a million bucks a year (maybe two!), but when it comes to the top slam pieces, that’s the floor, not the ceiling.  As a very wise man once never said: “A million dollars isn’t cool. You know what’s cool?  A billion dollars.”  And why would you expect a top slam piece to settle for anything less?

Think about it:  You’re a 22-year-old girl.  You’re stunning.  You have a body like a photoshopped Greek statue and a brain to match.  You’ve decided, because you have either so little or so much self-worth, that your best shot at “success” is to dig some gold and become an occasional accessory-cum-trampoline for the highest roller you can find.  You know that the clock’s working against you on this one.  So, why would you give up your most valuable, most precious, pre-Botox years for some bloated billable hour jockey who barely pulls in six figures working 20 hours a day looking for typos in some boring contract that’s going to make his i-banker clients more money in 30 seconds than he’ll ever see in his lifetime? I mean, sweet Christ, my last whirlwind romance involved a guy who drank wine out of a box and even I don’t want to hit that.

So, what’s a BigLaw Bro who still wants a decent slam piece to do?  Is all hope really lost?

Well, that depends.  What do you actually want here, guys?  Are you looking for regular but emotionally noncommittal sex with a pretty woman who will act like she adores you?  Try an escort service.  You can afford it and you don’t even have to pay for bottle service.

Or are you looking for a woman who will throw herself at you and might actually adore you just because you’re a lawyer—a so-called lawyer groupie?  Well, let me know when you find one.  Because “lawyer groupie” is nothing more than a myth made up by male lawyers to give them hope that any collection of civilian “groupies” would find them sexually appealing.  Famous lawyers may indeed have groupies but that’s because…they’re famous, not because they have that super-sexy J.D. tucked into their pocket. Now, there is a legitimate group of people who tend to find lawyers (and yes, sometimes, their salaries) fascinating: law students.  So, sure, go troll the law schools for action if you must, but just don’t fool yourself into thinking that you’re some sort of ersatz rockstar.

Or are you, as I suspect most of us are, just a little tired, a little lonely and looking for someone cute and cool to have a little fun with at the end of the day—and maybe more?   Well, keep on looking, honey—she’s out there for you.  Really.  She might not look like a model, she may be—gasp!—as smart as or—gasp! again!—smarter than you, but I’m sure you’ll be able to tolerate these flaws.  And more importantly, she’ll tolerate yours.  She may even love you for them.

But if you’re still holding out for the BigLaw dudebros’ self-proclaimed Holy Grail of female companionship—the grade-A slam piece—well, all I can say is good luck and godspeed, kiddo.  Because remember, if you’re going to unapologetically catalogue certain women as nothing more than “pieces” for you to “slam,” don’t be surprised when they whip out a catalogue of their own—and you’re not in it.

Happy hunting, boys.

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Excerpts of this essay were also published today on Above the Law and Jezebel.  Check them out here and here!

Comments

47 Responses to “BigLaw Bros: Why Slam Pieces Don’t Want You”

  1. nick on March 1st, 2011 10:24 am

    lol u mad

  2. Anonymous on March 1st, 2011 10:36 am

    A slam piece slam piece. HEYOOOO.

  3. Adonis esq. on March 1st, 2011 11:59 am

    Judging by this piece, Legal Tease is quite the appropriate pseudonym. FYI some lawyers are the real deal – complete with enough cash and cock to satisfy any gold digging nymphomaniac they (I) might stumble across… I’m not hating tho, get what you can while you can. Your life (and looks) will not last forever.

  4. elle on March 1st, 2011 12:10 pm

    Adonis – “enough cock,” sure, OK, but “enough cash”? What’s enough cash? What lawyer do you know that makes tens of millions a year? I should clarify — what lawyer makes tens of millions being a lawyer by working for a firm? Even the biggest of the big just aren’t in there. It doesn’t mean they still can’t treat a woman to some gold, but just in a different league.

    Not hating tho, either. Just sayin.

  5. Adonis esq. on March 1st, 2011 12:23 pm

    I get you elle, I’ll never come close to making that much… Would I date a girl who cares about that? No. Sleep with her? Sure, but chances are that can be accomplished with a little bit of charm and a little bit of booze.

  6. slam peace on March 1st, 2011 12:37 pm

    gurrrrl, you angry.

  7. Alma Federer on March 1st, 2011 1:22 pm

    As a woman attorney who can have her pick of men (lawyers and non-lawyers), I want to be more than a slam piece. I do not relish the thought of some overweight slob bouncing on top of me until he shoots his wad all over me. That is gross. I want a RELATIONSHIP with a guy, even a lawyer, who makes enough money to support me and our child, and who brings enough to the relationship so that I view him as more than a pay check.

    Right now I am young and beautiful, but know that in a few years, I will be a little less attractive, but just as smart.

    I stay away from the I-Bankers because they just view me as a piece of meat, to spend a few dollars on, screw then move on to the next girl. I also do NOT know where their willies have been and do NOT want their STD’s for the privilege of being their semen repository.

    So the lawyers, clutzy and dull as they are, are a viable alternative so long as they don’t think of themselves as movie stars. They should be loyal, hard working, and willing to support me while I raise our children. After all, I am willing to give up my career for my children, so anyone who is willing to father my children who is responsible, reliable, and makes enough money ($400K plus for now) will be good.

    If there are men out there who want to meet me, you know where I am.

  8. Translator on March 1st, 2011 1:50 pm

    You’re trying too hard….

  9. bianca t. on March 1st, 2011 1:51 pm

    Great piece, Tease! And Adonis, you seem a little defensive… can’t tell if it’s because you’re pushing a pencil in those boxer-briefs or your wallet is leaner than your girlfriend.
    I’m an actress, and we don’t f**k lawyers. It’s a rule. Yes, we lean towards entrepreneurs, but if the choice was between two lawyers, I’d rather go home with the valet — at least he’s probably got a sense of humor, and his ego is based on something valuable, like how he performs in bed, not his billable hours or how he found some tax loophole that no one in their right mind cares about.
    The above is not true for lady lawyers, by the way. If offered a threesome with a lady lawyer, always say yes. They are feisty, and competitive, even if some of them don’t know how to dress for shit.

  10. Ale on March 1st, 2011 1:55 pm

    Alma Federer,

    I don’t know where you are, but you sound fun…

  11. MJC on March 1st, 2011 2:18 pm

    So what you’re saying is that the best-case scenario for TTT bros (and certainly FTT bros) is a girl that has the looks, curves, and brains of Elie Mystal?

  12. Fuzz on March 1st, 2011 3:08 pm

    Haha, that’s fucking brilliant! I’ve been saying this for years. Lawyers are just glorified butlers, we work in a “service” industry, that means we “serve” other people, a servant can’t be a master, that’s just the rule of life. We are not in the driver seat, some lawyers with too much self-worth seem to forget that point at times (most of these delusional lawyers are either first-years coming off a new job high or a senior trying to brainwash himself). If there’s a feast, while the masters carve into the roast and the turkey and the gravy, we run around under the table trying to catch the bread crumbs falling down from the table, it’s true that even those crumbs are worth millions, yet it doesn’t change the fact that you are eating crumbs, not turkey legs.

    Yes, I know biglawers who do score models or model-looking chicks once a while, but that happens not because they are lawyers working for a white-shoe firm, but because they are fun guys, the lawyer card is just another assurance for the girl that you are not a complete psycho and doesn’t live in mom’s basement. Nothing more, nothing less.

  13. Ebenezer Scrooge on March 1st, 2011 3:46 pm

    I’ve never seen a lawyer groupie, but I’ve known a few nerd-o-philes: some of whom are quite hot. (Lena Horne thought that J. Robert Oppenheimer was the sexiest man she ever met, and you don’t get much hotter than Lena Horne.) Unfortunately for lawyers, nerd-o-philes go for science nerds, not humanities nerds. So maybe patent lawyers are in luck.

  14. Srsly on March 1st, 2011 4:33 pm

    Lawyer groupie???? What’s next? CPA groupies? Astronomy gorupies? At least with the science types you know they have those big, big brains. But what do lawyers have aside from, yeah, debt?

    If I’m looking for a groupie, I’ll stick to the traditional kind, thank you very much.

  15. Anonymous on March 1st, 2011 6:46 pm

    I imagine that this Legal Tease is being facetious in this posting. I can only hope, actually. I understand that she’s really “slamming” idiotic men who propagate these sort of stereotypes, but referring to other women as “accessories-cum-trampolines” is disgusting and only encourages animosity towards women, period.

    Maybe try aiming your sword at terms like slam piece nexttime instead of embracing them.

    Tsk tsk.

  16. Dano on March 1st, 2011 7:44 pm

    Sweetheart, you totally got this wrong… You’ve gotta pay attention to what the Bros are asking for: “pretty, young, not-too-intelligent slam pieces.” You start off talking about those girls, but then you start talking about “premium slam pieces” and the ones trained in “NY or LA” who have “a body like a photoshopped Greek statute and a brain to match.” It sounds more to me like your talking about genuine gold-diggers, and if you are, then you’re totally right. Gold-diggers are top-notch slam pieces and there are more than enough stories about them tricking bright young Bros out of all of their money. But the Bros don’t want them. Here’s all that the Bros. want: pretty and capable of consenting. And babe, the market is saturated with those girls.

  17. Anonymous on March 1st, 2011 8:13 pm

    lol she jelly

  18. Anonymous on March 1st, 2011 9:34 pm

    The lawyer groupies were the undergrads when you were in law school. If you didn’t snap one up then, too late now.

  19. Anonymous on March 1st, 2011 9:56 pm

    Uh I thought the only qualification for being a slam piece was that you had to be breathing and a broad. You seem to be confusing a slam buddy with that other breed of female, the actively golddigging slute. Get your facts strait, Legal tease.

  20. elle on March 1st, 2011 10:39 pm

    Comment above, clearly by a “strait” guy. Come on, guy give us a break and at least put some effort into it.

  21. anony on March 1st, 2011 10:53 pm

    Oh, Elle, don’t bait the trollzzz!

  22. Guano Dubango on March 2nd, 2011 3:11 am

    I am perhaps the exception to the rule. As a man interested in a woman who can bear me children, I look for the most attractive female (with brains) I can find. I must find a beautiful woman capable of bearing at least three of my children who does not mind returning with me to my homeland. Why is the Legal Tease putting down men who look for best women? We have been trained to find the best in all we do. My Aunt Ooona has told me not to return to my homeland without a top breeder, and I am trying my best to find one. But all I have found are either (i) unattractive mares capable of mating who I am not interested in creating issue with, or (ii) women who are smart and hot, but not interested in having sex with me, let alone marrying and returning to my homeland. This is not with standing that I can prove my net worth will be more than sufficient to build a good family life in my homeland.

    If only the Legal Tease (or someone just like her) could just see past my imperfections, I would look past their imperfections and we could live a good life in my homeland.

    I am hopeful that my Aunt Ooona would be willing to look past the fact that a hot lawyer was not a virgin if that woman could prove she was capable of change and interested in fidelity to me and children with me and me alone?

    I also am not over excited about any woman who has too much sexual experience, as she must be clean, supple and capable of bearing fruit while remaining loyal.

    Is there not one eligible female with such qualifications?

  23. Anonymous on March 2nd, 2011 5:01 pm

    I’m in the silent majority here, I suppose, but I love this post. I’ve worked in biglaw and in i-banking in SF and LA and the “dudebros” guys you describe here are NOT a myth. The facts underlying this post make me sad but its a perfect depiction.

    Keep them coming!!

  24. Anonymous on March 2nd, 2011 5:02 pm

    Oh and “Guano”: take the cheesy fake comment act somehwere else. You’re embarrassing.

  25. Anonymous on March 2nd, 2011 9:40 pm

    I wonder how hot this woman really is? Either not at all, or not nearly what she used to be. As a young male attorney, I wonder why she is so down on the men in the legal profession. I went to law school to be a lawyer, and all that comes with it. What is her reason for being a lawyer? Has she gotten burned by a lawyer who would not marry her after she gave him “the best years” of her life? And what exactly are those, anyway? Is she now beyond her “finest years” faced with limited (or no) choices? This woman would do well to select someone now who is less challenging than the ones she maligns who will not abandon her again. I am not suggesting anyone, but maybe someone closer to someone who she otherwise would ignore — someone who is willing to be loyal to her and visa versa. I say reconsider your options, lady, before it is too late. The less than perfect 10 lawyer you say doesn’t exist may well turn out to be a great choice as you approach and pass the big 4-0, when your childbearing potential becomes a distant memory.

    I say latch on to any dude who will be there for you as you start to head down the age-related hill. It is better to have some guy to keep you warm than no one. Many women in NYC in their 40′s and 50′s are a pathetic lot–like the gals in Sex in the City. They run in packs and are never going to find a man. Sad, but avoidable as long as you don’t stay so picky!

  26. Bearchild on March 2nd, 2011 10:17 pm

    Yeah, that’s right Legal Tease and women out there – settle! Because as the really, really smart and reallly really hot I’m sure stud above says, once you pass the “big 4-0″ you might as well kill yourself. Because then the only men “left’, because remember, your only goal should be to find a man, will be pale, pathetic morons like that (who I’m guessing either got rejected by some cougar once or hasn’t gotten laid since people said things like “gals” and “the big 4-0″. Go get em tiger!! Tigerblood!! #Winning!)

    (And btw, I hate SATC, and I’m not single.)

  27. anon on March 3rd, 2011 3:47 am

    this broad works at paul hastings. 90% sure.

  28. DAS3032 on March 3rd, 2011 12:15 pm

    Your logic here is flawed Elle. U say, be an invesstment banker, hedge fund guy or TV producer, but u fail to note that a person in any of those professions, like their lawyer counterparts, doesnt start at the top and has to work their ass off to make those billions. Only the top dogs in those professions make the ridiculous coin u speak of, just like the managing partner at biglaw. It is impossible to run your own hedge fund unless u worked in investment banking for a good number of years first, working all day and night. I have found that most girls are quite impressed by the title of lawyer and it still exudes wealth. Hell we’re just trying to hit some hot ass and bug out, by the time she figures out we’re not multi-millionaires the deed will be done!

    Sounds like a hint of jealousy went into ur post. U must not be a slam-piece ;)

  29. showmethemoney on March 3rd, 2011 1:49 pm

    nice post, tease. horribly depressing, but nice post.

  30. Elena on March 6th, 2011 3:08 pm

    This is why we CANNOT just let men hump us then dump us.

    We should know NOT to let men into our vaginas until after we are MARRIED. This way, they will cherish us instead of looking at us like yesterday’s newspaper.

    There will always be younger and hotter women willing to f***ck our men, but if we are first MARRIED to them, if they do stray, we can take them for all they have.

    That way, their new model girlfriends won’t get such a rich sugar daddy, as we will be getting 65% of their paycheck to pay for the house and kids.

  31. Anonymous on March 6th, 2011 3:10 pm

    This is why we CANNOT just let men hump us then dump us.

    We should know NOT to let men into our vaginas until after we are MARRIED. This way, they will cherish us instead of looking at us like yesterday’s newspaper.

    There will always be younger and hotter women willing to f***ck our men, but if we are first MARRIED to them, if they do stray, we can take them for all they have.

    That way, their new model girlfriends won’t get such a rich sugar daddy, as we will be getting 65% of their paycheck to pay for the house and kids.

  32. Mike Triforce on March 7th, 2011 6:40 pm

    Touche! I agree with much of your analysis, but I’m afraid I disagree with the central thesis. In fact Slam Pieces DO want me, and my biglaw bros.

    As the trifling anonymous gold digger above states, she wants to marry the finance guys. I’m just looking to tap that ass and get a fresh newspaper tomorrow. And I do. And my firm doesn’t even pay top of the market! But I’m a Philly boy so what can you expect?

    For my full response please visit

    http://mydebtorsprison.com/2011/03/07/biglaw-bros-why-slam-pieces-want-you/

  33. VJ on March 7th, 2011 8:05 pm

    I think women are more discerning. Why would they submit to a man who they are not interested in a relationship with.

    Certainly decent women do not look forward to letting some pasty-faced sweaty slob pant away on top of them while slobbering all over their bodies and then spilling their smelly bodily fluids on them just because they have a JD degree!

    I think most pretty women are smart enough to limit the collection of such fluids to those men who will be able to support them in a great lifestyle, but this does not sound like the kind of dufus that just makes $160K before taxes.

  34. Bill on March 10th, 2011 8:02 pm

    If this is the kind of slam beeoch that may spread for non-lawyers, where can I enroll in B-School?

    A man and a woman were dating. She being of a religious nature had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so bad. In fact, he had never even seen her naked. One day, as they drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits.
    ‘I can’t stand it anymore,’ she told him. ‘Let’s play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit you drive, I’ll remove one piece of clothing’.
    He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car. He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse. At 60 off came the pants. At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties.
    Now seeing her naked for the first time and travelling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car. He veered off the road, went over an embankment and hit a tree. His girlfriend was not hurt but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas he was stuck. ‘Go to the road and get help,’ he said. ‘I don’t have anything to cover myself with!’ she replied. The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes. ‘You’ll have to put this between your legs to cover it up,’ he told her. So she did as he said and went up to the road for help.
    Along came a truck driver. Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story. ‘My boyfriend! My boyfriend!’ she sobs, ‘He’s stuck and I can’t pull him out!’
    The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies, ‘Ma’am, if he’s in that far, I’m afraid he’s a goner!

  35. Cheerios on March 11th, 2011 9:04 am

    Funny story Bill… good to break the tension.

    I have a pretty good friend working in Big Law and he’s not the hottest guy (he’s got the short, hairy, Jewish lawyer look going on) but you know what, he gets some really nice tail. Every Monday, my mid-level friend would call me up to not only give me some work to do but to recount his latest sexcapade. He would have hotel parties, threesomes, you name it. And then he’d show me pictures of these ladies. And they were hot. The thing is, as someone above mentioned, it’s not just about money… it’s about your personality. Boy had game. He was polite and a smooth talker. Mix that in with a good amount of alcohol and the fact that he’s got a decent job and a graduate degree and BOOM. BigLaw Bro gets a slam piece.

  36. DB on March 16th, 2011 6:35 am

    Lets all become short hairy guys and nail some slam pieces! Kudo’s to this dude!

  37. DB on March 17th, 2011 9:18 am

    A Typical macho man married a typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

    “I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don’t expect any hassle from you.

    I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won’t be home for dinner.

    I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don’t you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?”

    His new bride said, “No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o’clock every night…whether you’re here or not.” ‘

  38. Dudebro Minor Leaguer on March 30th, 2011 4:27 pm

    I want to begin by saying that your writing style is highly entertaining. As my diction will most likely display, I am an aspiring dudebro; scoring unlimited slampieces by college standards, but nonetheless minor league. I wholeheartedly agree with your piece which does imply we are talking about only the top slampieces, the kind that can be found in Manhattan and LA. The Dallas slampiece, for instance, is of a much different breed and although extremely hot in a porn star sense, far less ambitious.

    As a summer intern in the city (with a fitness modeling contract) I quickly became great friends with many promoters of 1Oak, Tenjune, SS, Butter, etc. where I never spent a dime and the bottles flowed. All I had to do is show up with three or so of my female friends and the party was on. Conversing with the seemingly infinite stream of model talent, I decided to embark on an experiment.

    With Magnum Patron bottle in hand, the models flocked, yet to my surprise, as the conversation inevitably turned to occupation they became as uninterested in my mechanical engineering background as if I had told them I played World of Warcraft professionally. I then tried the model card, which was even more disappointing. Still young (21, looking 25) and ambitious, I decided maybe I need a change of career path.

    An apt learner, doing nothing in the city but the twice a week photo shoot, I picked up some legal jargon, memorized the top 15 NYC law firms and familiarized myself with Skadden. My background story then became a first year associate patent attorney with a ME background. I tried to boast of Skadden, I tried to make fun of the work, yet as much as I tried it elicited an average response at best. Instead of quickly saying goodbye, they feigned interest but surely weren’t turned on. It became clear that I would have to aim higher.

    Aim higher I did, maintaining the ME background, I would quickly explain that after graduating mechanical engineering, “too fast” I decided to do a graduate degree in financial engineering at Columbia and now work at Goldman Sachs. I experimented with lesser known institutions such as Blackrock, Lazard etc. for the sake of believability, however the results were overwhelmingly more positive when I dropped the GS card. Interestingly, some of the models didn’t even make the connection between Goldman Sachs and IB, yet when I said both Investment Banking and Goldman Sachs it was a can’t miss.

    Despite my experimentation, I will not be chasing the hell that is IB. I prefer my torture of the legal variety and will be attending Virginia Law in the fall. Hopefully I will be able to get by some day with my measly 6 figure salary and abs.

  39. BK on March 31st, 2011 6:28 pm

    Dudebro Minor Leaguer needs to learn that tapping a piece is only half the battle. Just like fish, you dont want to tap it unless it is both CLEAN and fresh. And it aint a slam piece at all if you wind up in the middle of a rank stench trench. This dude will find out that what shows up at law school is not going to be of the freshest vintage.

  40. BK on March 31st, 2011 9:37 pm

    i forgot this word of sage advice–

    10 qualities of a perfect girlfriend- Truthful, Intelligent, Gentle, Humble, Tolerant, Polite, Understanding, Sexy, Smart, Youthful. In short – TIGHT PUSSY

  41. High Yield Hottie on April 20th, 2011 9:15 pm

    Thoughts on successful women having their own versions of slam pieces?

    http://sixfiguresiren.com/2011/04/11/diversifidating/

  42. Anonymous on July 15th, 2011 8:40 am

    move to asia.

  43. Foucault on April 20th, 2012 11:22 am

    First of all, I take umbrage with the assertion that the “Grade A slam pieces” are trained exclusively in LA and NY. South Florida is as good a place as either of those two places–and I would even say it might be superior to NY. Furthermore, as the gateway to the Americas, there is a great deal of lovely “talent” (in keeping with the fratbrobro douche language) that comes into the region from all over South America (though, these days, mostly Brazil, Venezuela, and Colombia), in addition to the rich Caribbean community that’s been here for decades.

    Finally, I’ll say that this entire article is utter horse shit. Drive around Hialeah, FL for twenty minutes and you’re likely to spot at least five “10s”. They may not be stupid as a rule (I mean, they’re each a unique human being who may or may not be intelligent), but a great many are definitely magnificently attractive, and almost invariably young and looking to have fun (as young people in general are wont to desire). And more often than not, being a lawyer IS impressive to them–if only because they grew up with a Cuban grandmother extolling the virtues of doctors and lawyers.

    Seriously, we live in a first world country obsessed with physical beauty, with readily available dental care, and personal hygiene and grooming products–finding incredibly attractive people is not difficult.

  44. Louis on July 31st, 2012 10:15 pm

    Who cares if they don’t want us long-term! In this case, just bang the bejesus out of them!

  45. Harry on January 7th, 2013 8:54 pm

    I agree! Women are glorified orificii for us to plug!

  46. Shaquille BrO'Neill on April 24th, 2013 11:04 am

    Slam pieces are disposable. No one asks or gives a f*** what they think.

  47. Anonymous on June 16th, 2013 6:01 pm

    If women want to move ahead in the big firms, they’ve got to be open to giving BJs to the partners. That’s how some women got thru law school. Men remember a good BJ for years, especially repeat BJs.

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