How Do I Reject My Colleagues on Facebook?

Q:  My coworkers (mostly associates in my class, but a few senior associates I’ve worked with and a paralegal, too) keep asking me to be their “friend” on Facebook.  I’m social enough at work, but try to keep my work life and personal life as separate as possible when I’m not actually at the office and I’d like to keep it that way.  I don’t want to come off like a dick, though, for refusing the friend request. Do I just ignore the requests, or tell them in person that I have a personal policy of not accepting coworkers as Facebook “friends”? [Read more]

Do I Really Need to Go to Work This Week?

Q:  As of January 1, I’ll be a first-year at a “big firm” on the east coast. I started in November and it has been completely dead since I started.  Technically, the firm is open every day this week except for New Year Day itself.  But no one’s around—all the partners seem to be gone for the holidays and my floor is pretty much empty. My question: Do I really need to show up this week?  I don’t have any special plans, per se, but it seems stupid just to come in, do nothing, bill zero hours and then leave.  The only thing is, I have no hours and nothing lined up for the new year, and the firm keeps telling us to check in with people and be generally available in case anything comes up. I don’t want to miss out on anything that may come up this week or seem like a slacker, but it seems like no one’s around to see me either way.  Is it normal to just bail the week between Christmas and New Year’s if everything’s this dead? [Read more]

How Do I Handle Holiday Gifts for the Secretary Pool?

Q:  I am a stub-year associate at a mid/big law firm in New York.  I have a cluster of secretaries that I share with the rest of my class, and I want to give them gifts.  How much of a gift would you say is appropriate per secretary?  And is money generally preferred?  I was thinking of getting them actual gifts. [Read more]

Do I Bail on the Firm Holiday Party?

Q: Despite hard times in the world of BigLaw, my firm will have a holiday party this year, but I don’t want to go.  I’m a first-year associate, so the event would ideally be a great opportunity to make a good impression on partners and decrease my chances of getting booted in the next round of layoffs.  In fact, I’ve been told that attendance and intra-firm networking at events like this one is where one gets a reputation as a “team player,” even more so than at work.  I’m not one to turn down an open bar, but two potential pitfalls present themselves.  First, I tend to take the concept of “all you can drink” seriously. I woke up nearly every post-event morning of my summer associate gig wondering what verbal diarrhea I had spewed the night before (although I still got the offer).  Second, I’m very much single, so I not only lack a date to keep me in check, but I also run the risk of a drunken inter-office hook-up, whether initiated by me or by a female attorney.  As a firm believer in not shitting where I eat, I don’t want to hurt any feelings or get a rep as the office manwhore three months into the gig because I have poor impulse control.

Should I avoid the party by lying about some previous engagement and risk getting pegged as a guy who doesn’t play well with others, or should I suck it up and run the very real risk of making a fool of myself? The split-the-baby solution of making a short appearance seems reasonable (even if I run the risk of finding that I like it and staying), but the general question remains: how mandatory is the holiday party? [Read more]

Do I Really Need to Donate to a Client’s Charity?

Q: I’m a junior associate and the I’ve been last-minute invited to a huge fundraising dinner event for the pet charity of one of the firm’s biggest clients. I was only invited because the billing partner needed bodies to fill the table (I did a ton of work for this client last year but have never met them). I said I’d go but one of the other juniors going just told me that in situations like this, the lawyers are expected to make a donation to the stupid charity to “show their support” for the client. That can’t be serious, right? And even if it is, they mean the partners, not a third-year like me, right? I can barely make my rent and loan payments and I kind of figure that the 1000 or so hours I billed last year for the client was my “donation.”  Right? I just don’t want to be embarrassed, though.  Advice? [Read more]

How Do I Handle Halloween at the Firm?

Q: I think I know the answer to this already, but I just want to confirm: It would be a bad idea to wear some sort of low-key Halloween costume on Friday, correct? Our firm has sent out an email “encouraging” everyone to “get into” the spirit of the day because there’s supposed to be a group of kids from some charity group making the rounds of the office on Friday for trick or treating. I’m assuming I should just dress normal, close my door and not draw any attention to myself.  I highly doubt the partners will be wearing costumes. Or am I missing something? [Read more]

How Do I Handle Running into a Partner on JDate?

Q: I just spotted a recently divorced partner from my floor on JDate.  His pictures are those book-jacket professional-seeming kind and he lists “swinging ” as one of his interests.  When he checks who’s viewed his profile, he’ll see that I checked him out.  I see him all the time around the floor and work with him occasionally (but not right now). Do I bring it up to him the next time I see him or just ignore the elephant in the room? [Read more]

Do I Tell My Firm I Think I Failed the Bar Exam?

Q: I started working at a major firm in CA in late September and took the CA bar exam in July. We get the results back in a few weeks and I seriously, seriously think I failed it. Nothing drastic happened during the test or anything and I’ve always been a good student (top of my class in a Tier 2 in NYC), but I’ve never felt so not confident about a test in my life. I wanted to vomit after the MBE and I screwed up at least one and a half essays. And CA’s pass rate is awful. I haven’t thought about it in awhile, but with all the layoffs that keep happening and bar results that are starting to roll in from other states, I’m getting nervous that I’m going to be one of the only ones in my first-year class who fails and I’m going to be laid off because of it. I don’t know if I can take that humiliation. Should I just pave the way to ease the (potential) blow now and give the firm a heads up, or just ride it out and see what happens? [Read more]

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