News Roundup 11.13.09

November 14, 2009 · by

It was only a matter of time before dragon-eyed baby farmer Jon Gosselin found himself a new lawyer—and that time is now, apparently.  In the latest installment in his kids’ future rehab story-circles, Gosselin has filed a $5 million lawsuit against the TLC network, claiming that its representatives damaged his reputation and career by preventing him from working with other media outlets.  Yep, that’s what did all that damage.  [People]

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Speaking of Parents of the Year, Colorado’s own Richard and Mayumi Heene, parents of the vomit-prone (never-went-in-a-) ballon boy are  reportedly pleading guilty today to the felony charge of attempting to influence a public servant in connection with their flying saucer hoax.  The apparent motivation for the plea was the likely deportation of Mayumi, a Japanese citizen, if the case proceeded to trial.  As the Heene’s lawyer explained, a deportation “would have put the family at grave risk of seeing a loving, caring, compassionate wife and mother ripped from the family and deported.”   Fair point.  Whatever would the kids do without all that caring.  [Huffington Post]

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“Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Lawyers.”   No, it’s not some weak joke; it’s the actual name of a new study by a Vanderbilt law school professor debating whether a law degree—a degree that demands three years of your time, $200K of your money and every waking minute of your life thereafter if you plan to work in the only kind of legal job that will actually allow you to pay back your tuition for said degree—is a good idea.  Guess how that debate shakes out?  [WSJ Law Blog]

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One of the downsides of murdering a famous person: Your name just might show up on the Interwebs.  Sorry.  Apparently two Germans convicted of killing an actor in 1990 never quite figured that out; they’re now suing Wikipedia’s parent in an effort to force the online encyclopedia to remove their names from an English-language entry about their crime. [ABA Journal]

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If you were holding out hope that kids today aren’t shooting each other over things like 40-cent chicken wing promotions, you’re not going to like this.  [NY Times]

News Roundup 11.12.09

November 12, 2009 · by

Point one of the Practioner’s Guide to Getting Away With Sexual Harrassment:  Avoid cucumbers in close quarters.  Apparently, the geniuses over at Richmond-based law firm Williams Mullen skipped that one—and are facing a $950,000 discrimination and sexual harrassment suit by a former employee because of it.   And according to the complaint, cucumber incidents should be the least of their worries.  [Above the Law]

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We’re not sure what’s more troubling: That FantasyScotus.net, a new legal gambling site for law lovers, is up and running—or that “FantasyScotus.com” was already taken.  [WSJ Law Blog]

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The NYPD is reporting that Lionel McIntyre, a prominent (black) architecture professor at Columbia University, punched a female (white) university employee in the face at a Harlem bar yesterday during a “heated argument about race relations.”   Can’t wait to see how their argument on gender relations turns out.  [NY Post]

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Who knew that the name ”Lawyer of Love” was such a hot property?  Cori Fetman, the Chicago divorce lawyer who used to pen a “Lawyer of Love” advice column for Playboy Magazine and once posed half naked on a billboard in Chicago to promote her law practice (“Life’s Short.  Get a divorce.”) is now being sued by the magazine to stop her from using the Lawyer of Love name on her website.  Fetman claims in her own lawsuit against Playboy that she lost the column because she turned down sexual advances by one of the magazine’s execs.  I know, we can’t keep it all straight, either.    [ABA Journal]

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Something to make you feel a little better about your own sex life—well, or maybe worse:  Caroline Cartwright, a British woman who was banned from making loud noises during sex has lost an appeal against her conviction in a British court.  A neighbor described the lurve noises as sounding  like Cartwright and her partner were “both in considerable pain. I cannot describe the noise. I have never ever heard anything like it.”   See, you do feel better, don’t you?  Sort of?  [BBC News]

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Are you one of those lawyers beseiged by letters from self-proclaimed adoring fans?  In other words, are you exactly like Marc Randazza, the attorney who successfully represented the owner of satirical website called glennbeckrapedandmurderedayounggirlin1990.com against an attack by Glenn Beck?  Well, then, you’d do well to start taking notes from Mr. Randazza on how to respond to fans.  Because as far as we can tell, his approach has ‘em all beat.  Hats off.    [THResq]

News Roundup 11.11.09

November 11, 2009 · by

So, we drop off the radar here at the SHJ Hot News desk for a few short days (OK, fine, a few more than a few), and we’re welcomed back with stories of an S&M-loving lady lawyer living in Russia, a sex-tape-loving lady monster living in California, a legal bitchslap for Glenn Beck, a legal lovetap for Obama’s healthcare bill, a historically humiliating day for the Justice Department and a low point for Big Law associates everywhere, courtesy of Cravath.  Clearly, we need to drop off the radar more often.

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And you thought beauty queens couldn’t get any classier than Carrie the Good Masturbating Christian Prejean. Obviously, you haven’t met England’s own Rachel Christie, the reigning Miss England who was forced to give up her crown after being arrested for starting a brawl in a nightclub with another beauty queen.  [Brisbane Times]

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Eight words you probably never thought you’d hear: “Bernie Madoff’s wooden duck decoy can be yours.” We’re not kidding—on either front.  [Gawker]

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Just when the public had run out of things to mock about Joe Halderman, David Letterman’s failed exortionist, his lawyer goes and files a motion to dismiss the case against him on the theory that Halderman was just trying to pitch Dave a screenplay, arguing that Halderman’s conduct was nothing but “a pure commercial transaction.”  Let the mocking resume.  [Popsquire]

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No, there’s no such thing as too many sex tapes in one week.  Although J.Lo would likely disagree.  A California judge shut down the singer’s ex-husband, Ojani Noa, from distributing a soft-core “movie” about his famous ex called ”How I Married Jennifer Lopez: The J.Lo and Ojani Noa Story,” which features racy footage from the pair’s 1997 honeymoon.  ”She is not being fair,” Noa griped after hearing the judge’s ruling, “She’s trying to stop me from moving on with my life.”  Which seems to be working out well for Noa so far.  [NY Post]

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One of the pros of having Justice Kennedy speak at your high-school assembly: You get to have…Justice  Kennedy speaking at your high-school assembly.  One of the cons: Good luck trying to write about it in your high-school newspaper without getting the good Justice’s publication approval first.  The kiddies over at Manhattan’s Dalton School learned the hard way.  [NY Times]

News Roundup 10.28.09

October 28, 2009 · by

How badly do you want to go to the World Series?   Badly enough to post an ad on Craigslist offering sex for World Series tix—only to get arrested hours later when the cops “answer” your ad?  Well, then you don’t want to go nearly as badly as this diehard Phillies fan.  Slacker.  [NBC Philadelphia]

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The New York Times offers new insight into the inner workings of law firm managers’ minds when they decide who gets laid off and who get to stay.  According to a “Washington lawyer friend” of the op-ed columnist,  ”[L]awyers who were used to just showing up and having work handed to them were the first to go because with the bursting of the credit bubble, that flow of work just isn’t there. But those who have the ability to imagine new services, new opportunities and new ways to recruit work were being retained. They are the new untouchables.”  Funny, that’s JUST how it went down in my firm.  What’s the billing code for “imagining” again?  [NYT]

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Fraud?  By the Church of Scientology?  The group that routinely pressures its members to fork over as much money as they can afford and believes that an intergalactic warlord named Xenu is responsible for infusing us all with soul pieces?  I know, we didn’t believe it at first either.  But rest assured, at least in the eyes of the Paris court who convicted the cult church of fraud on Tuesday and fined it more than half a million euros, Scientology’s got some ‘splainin’ to do.  [WSJ Law Blog]

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Not surprising:  There’s been a rash of break-ins to celebrity homes in Los Angeles recently, including the lairs of Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Orlando Bloom.  Surprising: Those responsible for the alleged robberies are a band of teenage girls obsessed with clothing and jewelry.   According to police, the enterprising ladies “studied” celeb magazines, television shows, and websites to pick out what clothing they wanted, cased the homes and stole their chosen items.  Ah, who says the American teens never study?  [Fashionista]

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Lady lawyers:  Bad at rainmaking or good at…realizing that the time you spend rainmaking could be spend making (more) money for yourself in a job that doesn’t expect you to work 3,000 hours a year?  [Above the Law]

News Roundup 10.6.09

October 6, 2009 · by

It’s not every day that a United States Supreme Court Justice pitches the idea of a “Human Sacrifice Channel.”  Today was that day.  [CNN]

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Are you an associate at one of the country’s bigger lawyer factories?  Are you looking for something new and exciting to be pissed off about when it comes to your salary?  Well, here you go.  [WSJ Law Blog]

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Note to the geniuses over at Ralph Lauren:  If you’re going to create a print ad featuring a model so over-Photoshopped that her head is actually bigger than her pelvis, some blogger, somewhere, is probably gonna notice it.  And blog about it.  And reprint that image…which no one will notice and/or care about until you sue that blogger for copyright infringement. Nice work.  [Boing Boing]

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Meet Orly Taitz, DDS, Esq.  Yes, DDS, Esq.—she’s a practicing dentist and an attorney.  Oh, and a foaming-at-the-mouth lunatic.  Hm, didn’t see that one coming.  [Washington Post]

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Tom Cruise goes to law school.   [Above the Law]

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Wondering how to have that pesky DUI expunged from your record forever?  Just make sure to rant like a maniac during the arrest and make as many sexist and anti-semitic comments as possible.  We can’t make you any promises, but hey, it worked for Mel Gibson earlier today.  [Radar Online]

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Joyce Poster-Lederman, the NY couples therapist who allegedly attacked her husband—also a shrink—with knives and was subsequently banned from the couple’s Upper West Side home, has been allowed to return home to her husband, the Manhattan DA’s office reported today.  The reason for the prosecutor’s sudden change of heart?  Poster-Lederman has apparently been undergoing therapy.  Ah.  [NY Post]

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Freebiegate, Part I: In a new ruling handed down yesterday, the FTC is now requiring bloggers who review products to disclose their connections with advertisers, including any free swag and payment received.   [New York Times]

News Roundup 10.1.09

October 2, 2009 · by

Are you the owner of one of our country’s best minds?  Are you passionate, energetic, brilliant, the works?  And are you thinking of becoming a lawyer?  Well, then, you’re basically an idiot according to Supreme Court Justice Nino Scalia.  [WSJ Law Blog]
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People, for the last time: Change. Your. Email. Password. After. She. Dumps.You.  Why?  Just ask former hot-shot L.A. prosecutor and newly minted Paul Hastings partner Thomas O’Brien—and the few thousand of his colleagues (and their colleagues…and their colleagues…) who just read the pages of “pillow talk” emails that his new girlfriend’s estranged husband just found and forwarded to every lawyer from California to Miami. [Above the Law]
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No.  We’re sorry, but we can’t agree with you.  In the wake of his latest legal efforts, we refuse to say that Jon Gosselin of Jon & Kate Plus Hate fame is an incredible douchebag.  Because that would be an insult to incredible douchebags the world over.  [Popsquire]

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And you thought convicted Ponzi schemer and ex-lawyer Marc Dreier was to blame for defrauding investors out of $380 million.  Oh, naive soul.  Turns out, the Hamptons were to blame all along.  [NY Post]

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Cristina Warthen, the former high-end hooker who worked her way through Stanford Law on her back and later pled guilty to tax evasion, has been sentenced to one year home detention and ordered to pay $243,000 in back taxes and fines.  In other words, she got laid in law school about seven thousand more times than you did, got paid for it, and has just been ordered to hang around her house for a while.  On an unrelated note, how’s that sweet big-firm associate gig working out for you so far?  [Valleywag]

News Roundup 9.28.09

September 28, 2009 · by

Wondering what’s bound to happen when a cricket-loving, Texan pseudo-knight shows up in jail for defrauding investors out of $7 billion?  Ask “Sir” Allen Stanford—after he gets out of the prison infirmary, that is.  [Dealbreaker]

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Seventy-six-year-old Oscar-winning director Roman Polanski arrived at the Zurich airport this weekend to pick up a lifetime achievement award at the Zurich Film Festival and left the Zurich airport this weekend in handcuffs, arrested on a 31-year-old warrant for having sex in 1977 with a 13-year-old girl.  [Popsquire]

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Two things that the Wal-Mart in Peoria, Arizona apparently will not tolerate: Kiddie porn and employees with an IQ over 4.  This family learned the hard way. [WSJ Law Blog]

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A disgruntled Bank of America customer in New York named Dalton Chiscolm has filed a lawsuit against the mega-bank and its board for “1,784 billion, trillion dollars,” demanding that B of A deposit the funds into his bank account the next day, after complaining that he received inconsistent service and that certain of his checks were rejected because of incomplete routing numbers.  Sort of like that one he wrote to himself for a billion trillion dollars.  [NY Daily News]

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When it comes to licensing its attorneys, the Florida State Bar apparently doesn’t have a sense of humor about air rage.  [South Florida Sun-Sentinel]

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A practicing judge and law professor at the University at Buffalo law school says seven students saved his life when they rushed him to the hospital after ignoring his protests to be left alone after he complained of a pain in his knee.  “I would have never had a chance if it wasn’t for those seven law school students,” the prof explained. “Lawyers are supposed to be compassionate, and these future lawyers were compassionate. They did the greatest job for me when they could have walked right out the door.” Aaaaand there goes the curve for the rest of the class.   [ABA Journal]

News Roundup 9.23.09

September 23, 2009 · by

Want to succeed in nabbing that dream legal job you thought was out of your reach?  Start tweeting.  An article appearing in the National Law Journal today encourages law students faced with imminent joblessness to increase their chances of landing that sweet job by “networking exponentially” by “sharing their message broadly” on sites like Twitter.  Good call. Because if anything’s going to land you that gig at Cravath, it’s a steady stream of “pantyRade34 @MexicoRob Yam burritos and Cougar Town with Ms. Puttykat rocks my world, yummm!!!!” [Law.com]

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Manorexia comes to the mayor’s office in New York City.  [Dealbreaker]

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“To quote the great Marty Singer — Eric Dane’s lawyer — if you don’t want a sex tape on the internet, ‘don’t make one!’”  to quote the great Nick Denton, founder of Gawker media and recent target of a lawsuit for introducing the world to that smoky, liquor-soaked sex tape that Eric “McSteamy” Dane made with the girl from the old Noxema commercials and some former teen-beauty-queen hooker.  [Gawker]

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Whip out that platinum Amex, all you law firm types out there—the worst of the recession is over for law firms!  Well, at least according to a recent survey by PriceWaterhouseCoopers.  Bring on those bonuses. [ABA Journal]

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Day care center. Dogfighting ring. Day care center. Dogfighting ring. Daycare center. Dogfighting ring.  Day care ce—  Nope, no luck, no matter how many times you say it, the two just don’t click.  The Cook County sheriff’s department apparently agrees. [HuffPost]

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Lawyer Howard K. Stern eleven steps closer to being blamed for the death of Anna Nicole Smith.  If by “steps,” you mean “felony counts,” that is.  [Popsquire]

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