News Roundup 10.28.09

How badly do you want to go to the World Series?   Badly enough to post an ad on Craigslist offering sex for World Series tix—only to get arrested hours later when the cops “answer” your ad?  Well, then you don’t want to go nearly as badly as this diehard Phillies fan.  Slacker.  [NBC Philadelphia]

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The New York Times offers new insight into the inner workings of law firm managers’ minds when they decide who gets laid off and who get to stay.  According to a “Washington lawyer friend” of the op-ed columnist,  ”[L]awyers who were used to just showing up and having work handed to them were the first to go because with the bursting of the credit bubble, that flow of work just isn’t there. But those who have the ability to imagine new services, new opportunities and new ways to recruit work were being retained. They are the new untouchables.”  Funny, that’s JUST how it went down in my firm.  What’s the billing code for “imagining” again?  [NYT]

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Fraud?  By the Church of Scientology?  The group that routinely pressures its members to fork over as much money as they can afford and believes that an intergalactic warlord named Xenu is responsible for infusing us all with soul pieces?  I know, we didn’t believe it at first either.  But rest assured, at least in the eyes of the Paris court who convicted the cult church of fraud on Tuesday and fined it more than half a million euros, Scientology’s got some ’splainin’ to do.  [WSJ Law Blog]

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Not surprising:  There’s been a rash of break-ins to celebrity homes in Los Angeles recently, including the lairs of Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Orlando Bloom.  Surprising: Those responsible for the alleged robberies are a band of teenage girls obsessed with clothing and jewelry.   According to police, the enterprising ladies “studied” celeb magazines, television shows, and websites to pick out what clothing they wanted, cased the homes and stole their chosen items.  Ah, who says the American teens never study?  [Fashionista]

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Lady lawyers:  Bad at rainmaking or good at…realizing that the time you spend rainmaking could be spend making (more) money for yourself in a job that doesn’t expect you to work 3,000 hours a year?  [Above the Law]

News Roundup 10.6.09

It’s not every day that a United States Supreme Court Justice pitches the idea of a “Human Sacrifice Channel.”  Today was that day.  [CNN]

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Are you an associate at one of the country’s bigger lawyer factories?  Are you looking for something new and exciting to be pissed off about when it comes to your salary?  Well, here you go.  [WSJ Law Blog]

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Note to the geniuses over at Ralph Lauren:  If you’re going to create a print ad featuring a model so over-Photoshopped that her head is actually bigger than her pelvis, some blogger, somewhere, is probably gonna notice it.  And blog about it.  And reprint that image…which no one will notice and/or care about until you sue that blogger for copyright infringement. Nice work.  [Boing Boing]

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Meet Orly Taitz, DDS, Esq.  Yes, DDS, Esq.—she’s a practicing dentist and an attorney.  Oh, and a foaming-at-the-mouth lunatic.  Hm, didn’t see that one coming.  [Washington Post]

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Tom Cruise goes to law school.   [Above the Law]

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Wondering how to have that pesky DUI expunged from your record forever?  Just make sure to rant like a maniac during the arrest and make as many sexist and anti-semitic comments as possible.  We can’t make you any promises, but hey, it worked for Mel Gibson earlier today.  [Radar Online]

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Joyce Poster-Lederman, the NY couples therapist who allegedly attacked her husband—also a shrink—with knives and was subsequently banned from the couple’s Upper West Side home, has been allowed to return home to her husband, the Manhattan DA’s office reported today.  The reason for the prosecutor’s sudden change of heart?  Poster-Lederman has apparently been undergoing therapy.  Ah.  [NY Post]

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Freebiegate, Part I: In a new ruling handed down yesterday, the FTC is now requiring bloggers who review products to disclose their connections with advertisers, including any free swag and payment received.   [New York Times]

News Roundup 10.1.09

No.  We’re sorry, but we can’t agree with you.  In the wake of his latest legal efforts, we refuse to say that Jon Gosselin of Jon & Kate Plus Hate fame is an incredible douchebag.  Because that would be an insult to incredible douchebags the world over.  [Popsquire]

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And you thought convicted Ponzi schemer and ex-lawyer Marc Dreier was to blame for defrauding investors out of $380 million.  Oh, naive soul.  Turns out, the Hamptons were to blame all along.  [NY Post]

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Cristina Warthen, the former high-end hooker who worked her way through Stanford Law on her back and later pled guilty to tax evasion, has been sentenced to one year home detention and ordered to pay $243,000 in back taxes and fines.  In other words, she got laid in law school about seven thousand more times than you did, got paid for it, and has just been ordered to hang around her house for a while.  On an unrelated note, how’s that sweet big-firm associate gig working out for you so far?  [Valleywag]

News Roundup 9.23.09

Want to succeed in nabbing that dream legal job you thought was out of your reach?  Start tweeting.  An article appearing in the National Law Journal today encourages law students faced with imminent joblessness to increase their chances of landing that sweet job by “networking exponentially” by “sharing their message broadly” on sites like Twitter.  Good call. Because if anything’s going to land you that gig at Cravath, it’s a steady stream of “pantyRade34 @MexicoRob Yam burritos and Cougar Town with Ms. Puttykat rocks my world, yummm!!!!” [Law.com]

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Manorexia comes to the mayor’s office in New York City.  [Dealbreaker]

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“To quote the great Marty Singer — Eric Dane’s lawyer — if you don’t want a sex tape on the internet, ‘don’t make one!’”  to quote the great Nick Denton, founder of Gawker media and recent target of a lawsuit for introducing the world to that smoky, liquor-soaked sex tape that Eric “McSteamy” Dane made with the girl from the old Noxema commercials and some former teen-beauty-queen hooker.  [Gawker]

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Whip out that platinum Amex, all you law firm types out there—the worst of the recession is over for law firms!  Well, at least according to a recent survey by PriceWaterhouseCoopers.  Bring on those bonuses. [ABA Journal]

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Day care center. Dogfighting ring. Day care center. Dogfighting ring. Daycare center. Dogfighting ring.  Day care ce—  Nope, no luck, no matter how many times you say it, the two just don’t click.  The Cook County sheriff’s department apparently agrees. [HuffPost]

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Lawyer Howard K. Stern eleven steps closer to being blamed for the death of Anna Nicole Smith.  If by “steps,” you mean “felony counts,” that is.  [Popsquire]

News Roundup 9.14.09

When the judge hearing your case starts quoting Oscar Wilde, you can be pretty damn sure you’re screwed from that point forward.  Just ask Bank of America. [Dealbreaker]

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Might as well go out with a bang—and a yacht: Wells Fargo has fired an SVP in charge of foreclosed commercial properties for throwing a few bashes at a vacant $12 million Malibu beach home—including one rager in which guests were escorted to the house by private yacht.  Sort of makes that bag full of extra highlighters you stole from your firm when you found out you were getting laid off seem less exciting, no? [Los Angeles Times]

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Oh, we do hope you’re sitting down:  A groundbreaking recent study by a “director of a project at UCLA law school” finds that law students who fail the bar exam have a difficult time making ends meet initially after law school, “never catch[ing] up to their lawyer peers.”  The director cautions that the results of the study should serve as a cautionary tale to law schools, suggesting that, “[a]t the very least, law schools owe it to their prospective students to provide candid information about the risks of attending law school.”  May we suggest they start here. [ABA Journal]

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Rod Blagojevitch more terrifyingly stupid than originally thought… [Gawker]

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…but at least he’s not the most hated man in the music industry.  After last night, anyway. [Defamer]

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Let’s see: You’re a lawyer.  You’re appearing in front of a judge who you think is a useless idiot.  You have a blog. With your name plastered all over it.  You write on your  blog that this judge is an “evil, unfair witch.” Now….guess what happens?  No, really, guess.  Come on, take a guess.  [New York Times]

News Roundup 9.09.09

Ladies, keep hope alive: After more than a decade of legal separation, Hugh Hefner is seeking an official return to full-fledged bachelor status. The 83-year-old Playboy founder filed for divorce on Friday from his wife and former Playmate, Kimberly.  [HuffPost]

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The people have spoken.  The Douchiest Law School has officially been crowned.  Tucker Max fans, rejoice.  [Above the Law]

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Kissing is now banned in some parts of France.  Blame the swine. [BBC]

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Think that Nino Scalia and Ricky Martin have nothing in common?  Think again. [NYT]

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Speaking of the Supremes, a new Gallup poll has found that half of Americans believe the court is “about right” ideologically, representing an all-time high and an increase of 7% over last year.  It remains unclear to what extent Ricky Martin influenced the results.  [ABA Journal]

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Get it while it’s hot—on so many levels: Bernie Madoff’s former $7 million Palm Beach weekend shack is up for sale through the U.S. Marshals Service.  The Marshals have packed away items such as clothing, artistic birds nests mounted in the living room rafters, along with statues, figurines and paintings of bulls, explaining “We’ve taken away things that screamed Bernie Madoff.”  Good luck with that.  [Bloomberg]

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Glenn Beck’s lawyers are now on the public prowl for “defamatory domains” involving their client, spurred on by the recent creation of “GlennBeckRapedandMurderedaYoungGirlin1990.com,” the site that promotes for parody purposes the false rumor that Glenn Beck raped and murdered a young girl in 1990.   Never heard of it until now?  Neither did we.  Nice job, lawyers.  [Gawker]

News Roundup 9.08.09

Do you have a legal secretary?  Do you let her use your corporate Amex card?  Did she rack up over $40,000 on it to fly a few “erotic male dancers” to Puerto Rico for a private party for her secret male stripper/escort business?  Well, then, you’re not alone. [Above the Law]

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It was announced today that New Line Cinema and the heirs of J.R.R. Tolkien have settled a lawsuit over profits from the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy, clearing the way for a two-film prequel based on Tolkien’s novel “The Hobbit.”  J.K. Rowling, take notes.  [Huff Post]

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Skadden to…$100??  The ABA Journal reports on a law firm consultant who’s heralding the new age of Big Law salaries—which should be slashed down to around $100,000 - $125,000 if law firms know what’s good for them, he argues.  Just in time for Fall OCI.  [ABA Journal]

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How not to get an assistant gig in Hollywood—or an invite to the premier of “Oceans 14.” [TMZ]

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Another day, another hooker trying to thwart Elliot Spitzer’s self-proclaimed comeback.  Oh, and this one’s even thinking of serving herself up for political office.  Among other things, no doubt. [Gawker]

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Getting set for your next jewelry-stealing spree?  Make sure to dig up all the marijuana in your front yard before you hit the town.  Just ask this guy.  [CBS News]

News Roundup 9.07.09

Sweeter and Hotter!

No, you’re not hallucinating; we’re rolling out a new site design today for your Labor Day pleasure.  Your favorite columns are still here, but there will be a few more features coming down the pike to make your daily dose of Sweet Hot Justice a little sweeter, a little hotter, a little more…justicey.  Drop a line to let us know what you think.  Enjoy. [Sweet Hot Justice—Contact Us]

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Just when you thought the occasionally bisexual, inflatable reality-TV star Tila Tequila had hung up her pasties and settled down behind a picket-white fence somewhere in New Jersey, this happens: NFL star Todd Shawne Merriman has been arrested for choking the demi-star of MTV’s short-lived “A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila.”  Merriman’s attorney was quoted as saying that, in allegedly assaulting girlfriend Tequila, the linebacker “essentially was doing what was appropriate under the circumstances.”  This is why lawyers aren’t publicists, folks.   [HuffPost]

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Nor, apparently, are they capable of counting.  Especially in law school.  [WSJ]

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Big Law not working out for you like you thought it should?  Break out the legos.  No, for real.  Get them out now. [National Law Journal via Law.com]

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Pathetic, humiliating and terrifying: No, that’s not the title of your firm’s latest associate satisfaction report; it’s a preview of the 477-page “Madoff Report” that the SEC’s inspector general released on Friday detailing how the SEC missed more red flags than even Christo would know what to do with when in their investigation of Bernie Madoff over the past several years.  Mortifying, yes, but hey, at least these guys aren’t in charge of regulating the country’s financial institutions because, Christ, if they were, this country would be in some serious—  Oh.  Right.  [WSJ]

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The downside of working on Labor Day:  You’re working on Labor Day.  The upside of working on Labor Day: After last week, it’s a pretty safe bet that at least a few dozen associates at Kirkland, Baker Botts, Sonnenschein, Fish & Richardson, Cooley and more would be more than happy to trade places with you.  [Above the Law]

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