News Roundup 1.27.10

Scary, drunk, hate-mongering lunatic takes time off from being arrested to attempt a Hollywood comeback.  It doesn’t quite seem to be taking.  [Backstage]

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A neighborhood association in Berkeley has filed a class action suit against U.C. Berkeley’s frats on a theory that apparently “has its roots in cities’ injunctions against criminal street gangs.”  Because if there’s one thing that comes to mind when you think of criminal street gangs, it’s a bunch of drunk, overprivileged white nerds who couldn’t get into Stanford projectile vomiting over the balcony of a converted Victorian row house.  [Above the Law]

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Yet another group of law students rallies to bring the cast of Jersey Shore into their open arms.  Confusion ensues.  [Above the Law]

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In related news, Jersey Shore’s Vinny Guadagnino, the one that you’ve never heard of, revealed that he recently took the LSATs and is keeping law school “on the back burner,”  but admitted ”to tell you the truth, man, [being a] lawyer isn’t something I wanted to do. Nobody wants to be a lawyer — it’s hard work.”  Well, apparently no one told him that…that… Nope, sorry.  He’s right. [Perez Hilton]

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Keifer Sutherland falls for the old “Give Me a Million Dollars for Some Mexican Cows” scam.  [Huff Post]

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‘:-/   [ABA Journal]

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The Los Angeles City Council has approved an ordinance intended to close hundreds of “medical marijuana” shops and banish those that remain to industrial areas.  Sorry.  [AP via Washington Post]

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After Andy Dick’s arrest this past weekend on two felony sex abuse counts for crotch-grabbing a bouncer and kissing a male patron at a West Virginia bar, word’s hitting the street that it’s not the first time ol’ Andy’s been grab-happy on the record.  The latest story involves licking, groping and biting—with a few “coke whore” slurs thrown in for good measure.  And there’s audio!  [NY Post]

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News Roundup 12.10.09

We could tell you the context in which Larry Flynt used the phrase “boob element” when testifying in front of a Los Angeles judge this week.  Or we could just let you guess.  [LA Times]

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A hairy naked Republican who once posed crotch-and-center in Cosmo has won the Republican nomination for the late Ted Kennedy’s US Senate seat.  Cue the rolling.  As in “over in his grave.”  [Gawker]

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Actual headline from the AP: “Florida woman accused of hitting man with raw steak.”  Yes, yes—you’re welcome. According to a County Sheriff’s Office report, the man told deputies that 53-year-old Elsie Egan “repeatedly hit him with the uncooked meat and slapped his face after he refused a piece of sliced bread. The man said he wanted a bread roll.”  [AP via Forbes]

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At least a few second-year associates are getting $70,000  bonuses this year.  Yes, you read that right.  No, the bonuses don’t involve a time machine.  And no again, they’re not coming from where you’d think.  [Above the Law]

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Singer, writer, producer and child porn connoisseur  R. Kelly has announced that he’s working on a memoir that will “tell it like it is.”   The autobiography is scheduled for release in 2011 and is as of yet untitled.  Hm.  We have a few suggestions.  [A.V. Club]

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Think you might be laid off soon?  Try to nab a quick jury duty gig as soon as possible.  Just ask this Miami security guard who was just awarded $150,000 after she served a three-day stint as a juror in a South Florida murder trial—and was promptly fired by her employer.  Bring on that civic duty!  [Miami Herald]

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News Roundup 12.2.09

Leave it to a lawyer to come up with the least sexy name imaginable for a law-firm version of a casting couch.  Behold: the “Couch of Restitution.”    Really, if you’re going to go through the effort of offering to accept sexual favors in exchange for legal fees—as the recently suspended Couch-coining lawyer in Michigan just did—at least come up with a snappier name for it for when you get busted.  [ABA Journal]

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Johnson & Johnson heiress Casey Johnson has been arrested for grand theft for stealing jewelry, shoes, underwear and clothes from a supermodel ex-BFF—oh, and for leaving a used vibrator in her bed.    [Gawker via NY Post]

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In an apparent attempt to polish up the firm’s (lucite-heeled) white (patent-leather platform) shoe image, a recent lawsuit has revealed that the powers that be at Seyfarth Shaw sent around an email to all Los Angeles partners imploring them to “hustle for cash like you’ve never done before.”   [Above the Law]

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Love getting all your daily news through Google?   Well, then you’re probably not going to love this.  [NY Times]

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In a shocking, disturbing twist, news is just starting to leak that Obama party-crashers Tareq and Michaele Salahi may actually have lied about other public events in their lives, including their “signature social event,” the Land Rover America’s Polo cup, which apparently was neither sponsored by Land Rover nor as profitable as they claimed.  See?  Aren’t you glad you were sitting down?  [Washington Post]

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If you were hoping to connect with a few sex offender types on Facebook or MySpace, you’re now out of luck, thanks to NY Attorney General, Andrew Cuomo.  [NY Mag Daily Intel]

News Roundup 11.13.09

It was only a matter of time before dragon-eyed baby farmer Jon Gosselin found himself a new lawyer—and that time is now, apparently.  In the latest installment in his kids’ future rehab story-circles, Gosselin has filed a $5 million lawsuit against the TLC network, claiming that its representatives damaged his reputation and career by preventing him from working with other media outlets.  Yep, that’s what did all that damage.  [People]

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Speaking of Parents of the Year, Colorado’s own Richard and Mayumi Heene, parents of the vomit-prone (never-went-in-a-) ballon boy are  reportedly pleading guilty today to the felony charge of attempting to influence a public servant in connection with their flying saucer hoax.  The apparent motivation for the plea was the likely deportation of Mayumi, a Japanese citizen, if the case proceeded to trial.  As the Heene’s lawyer explained, a deportation “would have put the family at grave risk of seeing a loving, caring, compassionate wife and mother ripped from the family and deported.”   Fair point.  Whatever would the kids do without all that caring.  [Huffington Post]

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“Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Lawyers.”   No, it’s not some weak joke; it’s the actual name of a new study by a Vanderbilt law school professor debating whether a law degree—a degree that demands three years of your time, $200K of your money and every waking minute of your life thereafter if you plan to work in the only kind of legal job that will actually allow you to pay back your tuition for said degree—is a good idea.  Guess how that debate shakes out?  [WSJ Law Blog]

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One of the downsides of murdering a famous person: Your name just might show up on the Interwebs.  Sorry.  Apparently two Germans convicted of killing an actor in 1990 never quite figured that out; they’re now suing Wikipedia’s parent in an effort to force the online encyclopedia to remove their names from an English-language entry about their crime. [ABA Journal]

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If you were holding out hope that kids today aren’t shooting each other over things like 40-cent chicken wing promotions, you’re not going to like this.  [NY Times]

News Roundup 10.28.09

How badly do you want to go to the World Series?   Badly enough to post an ad on Craigslist offering sex for World Series tix—only to get arrested hours later when the cops “answer” your ad?  Well, then you don’t want to go nearly as badly as this diehard Phillies fan.  Slacker.  [NBC Philadelphia]

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The New York Times offers new insight into the inner workings of law firm managers’ minds when they decide who gets laid off and who get to stay.  According to a “Washington lawyer friend” of the op-ed columnist,  ”[L]awyers who were used to just showing up and having work handed to them were the first to go because with the bursting of the credit bubble, that flow of work just isn’t there. But those who have the ability to imagine new services, new opportunities and new ways to recruit work were being retained. They are the new untouchables.”  Funny, that’s JUST how it went down in my firm.  What’s the billing code for “imagining” again?  [NYT]

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Fraud?  By the Church of Scientology?  The group that routinely pressures its members to fork over as much money as they can afford and believes that an intergalactic warlord named Xenu is responsible for infusing us all with soul pieces?  I know, we didn’t believe it at first either.  But rest assured, at least in the eyes of the Paris court who convicted the cult church of fraud on Tuesday and fined it more than half a million euros, Scientology’s got some ’splainin’ to do.  [WSJ Law Blog]

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Not surprising:  There’s been a rash of break-ins to celebrity homes in Los Angeles recently, including the lairs of Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Orlando Bloom.  Surprising: Those responsible for the alleged robberies are a band of teenage girls obsessed with clothing and jewelry.   According to police, the enterprising ladies “studied” celeb magazines, television shows, and websites to pick out what clothing they wanted, cased the homes and stole their chosen items.  Ah, who says the American teens never study?  [Fashionista]

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Lady lawyers:  Bad at rainmaking or good at…realizing that the time you spend rainmaking could be spend making (more) money for yourself in a job that doesn’t expect you to work 3,000 hours a year?  [Above the Law]

News Roundup 9.28.09

Wondering what’s bound to happen when a cricket-loving, Texan pseudo-knight shows up in jail for defrauding investors out of $7 billion?  Ask “Sir” Allen Stanford—after he gets out of the prison infirmary, that is.  [Dealbreaker]

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Seventy-six-year-old Oscar-winning director Roman Polanski arrived at the Zurich airport this weekend to pick up a lifetime achievement award at the Zurich Film Festival and left the Zurich airport this weekend in handcuffs, arrested on a 31-year-old warrant for having sex in 1977 with a 13-year-old girl.  [Popsquire]

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Two things that the Wal-Mart in Peoria, Arizona apparently will not tolerate: Kiddie porn and employees with an IQ over 4.  This family learned the hard way. [WSJ Law Blog]

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A disgruntled Bank of America customer in New York named Dalton Chiscolm has filed a lawsuit against the mega-bank and its board for “1,784 billion, trillion dollars,” demanding that B of A deposit the funds into his bank account the next day, after complaining that he received inconsistent service and that certain of his checks were rejected because of incomplete routing numbers.  Sort of like that one he wrote to himself for a billion trillion dollars.  [NY Daily News]

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When it comes to licensing its attorneys, the Florida State Bar apparently doesn’t have a sense of humor about air rage.  [South Florida Sun-Sentinel]

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A practicing judge and law professor at the University at Buffalo law school says seven students saved his life when they rushed him to the hospital after ignoring his protests to be left alone after he complained of a pain in his knee.  “I would have never had a chance if it wasn’t for those seven law school students,” the prof explained. “Lawyers are supposed to be compassionate, and these future lawyers were compassionate. They did the greatest job for me when they could have walked right out the door.” Aaaaand there goes the curve for the rest of the class.   [ABA Journal]

News Roundup 9.23.09

Want to succeed in nabbing that dream legal job you thought was out of your reach?  Start tweeting.  An article appearing in the National Law Journal today encourages law students faced with imminent joblessness to increase their chances of landing that sweet job by “networking exponentially” by “sharing their message broadly” on sites like Twitter.  Good call. Because if anything’s going to land you that gig at Cravath, it’s a steady stream of “pantyRade34 @MexicoRob Yam burritos and Cougar Town with Ms. Puttykat rocks my world, yummm!!!!” [Law.com]

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Manorexia comes to the mayor’s office in New York City.  [Dealbreaker]

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“To quote the great Marty Singer — Eric Dane’s lawyer — if you don’t want a sex tape on the internet, ‘don’t make one!’”  to quote the great Nick Denton, founder of Gawker media and recent target of a lawsuit for introducing the world to that smoky, liquor-soaked sex tape that Eric “McSteamy” Dane made with the girl from the old Noxema commercials and some former teen-beauty-queen hooker.  [Gawker]

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Whip out that platinum Amex, all you law firm types out there—the worst of the recession is over for law firms!  Well, at least according to a recent survey by PriceWaterhouseCoopers.  Bring on those bonuses. [ABA Journal]

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Day care center. Dogfighting ring. Day care center. Dogfighting ring. Daycare center. Dogfighting ring.  Day care ce—  Nope, no luck, no matter how many times you say it, the two just don’t click.  The Cook County sheriff’s department apparently agrees. [HuffPost]

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Lawyer Howard K. Stern eleven steps closer to being blamed for the death of Anna Nicole Smith.  If by “steps,” you mean “felony counts,” that is.  [Popsquire]

News Roundup 9.14.09

When the judge hearing your case starts quoting Oscar Wilde, you can be pretty damn sure you’re screwed from that point forward.  Just ask Bank of America. [Dealbreaker]

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Might as well go out with a bang—and a yacht: Wells Fargo has fired an SVP in charge of foreclosed commercial properties for throwing a few bashes at a vacant $12 million Malibu beach home—including one rager in which guests were escorted to the house by private yacht.  Sort of makes that bag full of extra highlighters you stole from your firm when you found out you were getting laid off seem less exciting, no? [Los Angeles Times]

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Oh, we do hope you’re sitting down:  A groundbreaking recent study by a “director of a project at UCLA law school” finds that law students who fail the bar exam have a difficult time making ends meet initially after law school, “never catch[ing] up to their lawyer peers.”  The director cautions that the results of the study should serve as a cautionary tale to law schools, suggesting that, “[a]t the very least, law schools owe it to their prospective students to provide candid information about the risks of attending law school.”  May we suggest they start here. [ABA Journal]

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Rod Blagojevitch more terrifyingly stupid than originally thought… [Gawker]

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…but at least he’s not the most hated man in the music industry.  After last night, anyway. [Defamer]

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Let’s see: You’re a lawyer.  You’re appearing in front of a judge who you think is a useless idiot.  You have a blog. With your name plastered all over it.  You write on your  blog that this judge is an “evil, unfair witch.” Now….guess what happens?  No, really, guess.  Come on, take a guess.  [New York Times]

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