News Roundup

April 6, 2010

Once-popular actron and female impersonator Nicollette Sheridan is suing Desperate Housewives creator, Marc Cherry, for allegedly smacking her in the face and then killing off her character after she confronted him about the assault.  Cherry’s explanation for why Sheridan’s character, “Edie,” took a hit?  “Edie’s already slept with most of the guys on the street and has caused about as many problems as she could.”   No double-meaning to see here, folks, none at all.  [Defamer]

. . .

A lady who is NOT a hooker talks about what it’s like to do things with rich men for money that do NOT in any way make her a hooker.  Ever.  No hookers here.  Zero.  If you want to see a hooker, do NOT click on this link.   [NY Magazine]

. . .

Harvard Law School admits to its job-challenged Class of 2010 that the “HLS experience” hasn’t quite been the pot of gold at the end of the Crimson rainbow that its students thought it might be—and then hits them up for twenty bucks.  [Above the Law]

. . .

Poor Jesse James.  He’s off trying to lead a virtuous, quiet life in “sex rehab” and the press just won’t leave him alone.  His lawyer, Joe Yanny, outraged with the media for their constant coverage of the scandal and James’s treatment, explained, “The First Amendment was not meant to cover the sexual lives of people who are not in office,” says Yanny. “It’s disgusting.”   Such an apt description.  For so many things.  [People]

. . .

For all you aspiring Yale profs: The university has officially banned faculty members from having sexual relationships with not only their own students, but any Yale undergrad, period.  Sorry.   [NBC Connecticut]

. . .

Put away your wands, friends.  A New York City “preacher,” the Reverend Billy Talen has been arrested for placing a “holy hex” on JPMorgan Chase.  Protesting what he believes is JP Morgan’s financing for mountaintop removal in Appalachia, Talen led his Life After Shopping Gospel Choir to two Chase bank branches, where his singers “deposited” mounds of “sacred dirt” from the mountains of West Virginia all over the banks’ lobbies.  [Courthouse News]

News Roundup 3.11.10

March 11, 2010

Eric Massa, the freshly resigned Congressman accused of groping and sexually harassing his male staffers, recently sparred with Larry King, bristling at King’s question as to whether Massa is gay.  ”Here’s that answer: I’m not gonna answer that,” Massa replied, “In year 2010, why don’t you ask my wife? Ask my friends. Ask the 10,000 sailors that I served with in the navy.”  Might want to run with a different tactic there, buddy.  [HuffPost]

. . .

Dating a lawyer?   Be sure not to miss this new gem, then.  Sorry.   [Boing Boing]

. . .

A few of Princeton’s bestest and brightest bankers-to-be have been interviewed in their college newspaper about the real reasons why 22-year-olds go into investment banking.  Our favorite response, from Rebecca Yu ’11: ”Money is an attractive factor, but it’s not the real reason people go into an investment bank,” she said, “[P]eople do it because they’re genuinely interested in [investment banking].”  And then Yu unzipped her skin and asked for the nearest robot bus back to The Land Where Lying People Lie. And Are Crazy.  [Daily Princetonian via Ivy Gate]

. . .

“How to Justify a Frivolous Lawsuit” (or, “What to Do When Your Client Wants $100 Million to Prove She’s a Fictional Whore-Baby”).  [THR, Esq.]

. . .

You’re too late:  While you were off dragging your heels, buying your little ones things like “formula” and “clothes” and “items that don’t require a visit from Social Services,” the Maryland company operating as Baby Beer Bottles, Inc., which sold 16-ounce baby bottles designed to look like Budweiser and Miller Lite bottles and marketed “for your little drinker,” has shut down their website after Anheuser-Busch filed a federal lawsuit this week claiming that the company infringes on its valuable trademarks.  [The Smoking Gun]

. . .

The seven 119 dirty words you can’t say in radio, at least according to shock-jock turned Tribune Company CEO Randy Michaels.  [Gawker]

News Roundup 2.12.10

February 12, 2010

Just in time for Valentine’s Day: An ambassador to Dubai has annulled his marriage after discovering that his bride—who had never revealed herself, wearing the full Islamic face-covering Niqab on the occasions the couple had met—was “cross-eyed and had facial hair” when he lifted her veil to kiss her.  The  told a Sharia court that his bride’s mother had tricked him by showing him pictures of her sister.  [BBC]

. . .

Speaking of romance: According to court records filed yesterday, 73-year-old Dennis Hopper’s 42-year-old wife has agreed to stay 10 feet away from the ailing actor and not contact him directly as they sort through their impending divorce.  [HuffPost]

. . .

Think that John Edwards and Beyonce’s dad have nothing in common?  Think again.  Or just ask their mistresses.  Or better yet, their lawyers.  [E! Online]

. . .

Are you noticing a Parents-of-the-Century theme to today’s news roundup?  If not, this choice item should seal the deal.  [Popsquire]

. . .

An ex-Sullivan and Cromwell corporate lawyer-turned psychotherapist who blogs as The People’s Therapist lends some insight into why lawyers are angry, bitter, miserable wretches—and compares working in a law firm to Auschwitz.  [Above the Law]

. . .

A Florida jury spreads the pain of a Brazilian bikini wax gone bad.  [Click Orlando]

. . .

In the spirit of Valentine’s Day a lawyer-search service is offering “advice” about the do’s and don’ts of dating attorneys, with hilarious items like “Always cite sources” and “Speak Latin.”  We told you it was hilarious. [Avvo]

. . .

Super hard-core, edgy edgy musiciatron apologizes for being incredible douchebag.  America yawns.  [US Weekly]

. . .

News Roundup 1.27.10

January 27, 2010

Scary, drunk, hate-mongering lunatic takes time off from being arrested to attempt a Hollywood comeback.  It doesn’t quite seem to be taking.  [Backstage]

. . .

A neighborhood association in Berkeley has filed a class action suit against U.C. Berkeley’s frats on a theory that apparently “has its roots in cities’ injunctions against criminal street gangs.”  Because if there’s one thing that comes to mind when you think of criminal street gangs, it’s a bunch of drunk, overprivileged white nerds who couldn’t get into Stanford projectile vomiting over the balcony of a converted Victorian row house.  [Above the Law]

. . .

Yet another group of law students rallies to bring the cast of Jersey Shore into their open arms.  Confusion ensues.  [Above the Law]

. . .

In related news, Jersey Shore‘s Vinny Guadagnino, the one that you’ve never heard of, revealed that he recently took the LSATs and is keeping law school “on the back burner,”  but admitted ”to tell you the truth, man, [being a] lawyer isn’t something I wanted to do. Nobody wants to be a lawyer — it’s hard work.”  Well, apparently no one told him that…that… Nope, sorry.  He’s right. [Perez Hilton]

. . .

Keifer Sutherland falls for the old “Give Me a Million Dollars for Some Mexican Cows” scam.  [Huff Post]

. . .

‘:-/   [ABA Journal]

. . .

The Los Angeles City Council has approved an ordinance intended to close hundreds of “medical marijuana” shops and banish those that remain to industrial areas.  Sorry.  [AP via Washington Post]

. . .

After Andy Dick’s arrest this past weekend on two felony sex abuse counts for crotch-grabbing a bouncer and kissing a male patron at a West Virginia bar, word’s hitting the street that it’s not the first time ol’ Andy’s been grab-happy on the record.  The latest story involves licking, groping and biting—with a few “coke whore” slurs thrown in for good measure.  And there’s audio!  [NY Post]

. . .

News Roundup 12.10.09

December 10, 2009

We could tell you the context in which Larry Flynt used the phrase “boob element” when testifying in front of a Los Angeles judge this week.  Or we could just let you guess.  [LA Times]

. . .

A hairy naked Republican who once posed crotch-and-center in Cosmo has won the Republican nomination for the late Ted Kennedy’s US Senate seat.  Cue the rolling.  As in “over in his grave.”  [Gawker]

. . .

Actual headline from the AP: “Florida woman accused of hitting man with raw steak.”  Yes, yes—you’re welcome. According to a County Sheriff’s Office report, the man told deputies that 53-year-old Elsie Egan “repeatedly hit him with the uncooked meat and slapped his face after he refused a piece of sliced bread. The man said he wanted a bread roll.”  [AP via Forbes]

. . .

At least a few second-year associates are getting $70,000  bonuses this year.  Yes, you read that right.  No, the bonuses don’t involve a time machine.  And no again, they’re not coming from where you’d think.  [Above the Law]

. . .

Singer, writer, producer and child porn connoisseur  R. Kelly has announced that he’s working on a memoir that will “tell it like it is.”   The autobiography is scheduled for release in 2011 and is as of yet untitled.  Hm.  We have a few suggestions.  [A.V. Club]

. . .

Think you might be laid off soon?  Try to nab a quick jury duty gig as soon as possible.  Just ask this Miami security guard who was just awarded $150,000 after she served a three-day stint as a juror in a South Florida murder trial—and was promptly fired by her employer.  Bring on that civic duty!  [Miami Herald]

. . .

News Roundup 11.13.09

November 14, 2009

It was only a matter of time before dragon-eyed baby farmer Jon Gosselin found himself a new lawyer—and that time is now, apparently.  In the latest installment in his kids’ future rehab story-circles, Gosselin has filed a $5 million lawsuit against the TLC network, claiming that its representatives damaged his reputation and career by preventing him from working with other media outlets.  Yep, that’s what did all that damage.  [People]

. . .

Speaking of Parents of the Year, Colorado’s own Richard and Mayumi Heene, parents of the vomit-prone (never-went-in-a-) ballon boy are  reportedly pleading guilty today to the felony charge of attempting to influence a public servant in connection with their flying saucer hoax.  The apparent motivation for the plea was the likely deportation of Mayumi, a Japanese citizen, if the case proceeded to trial.  As the Heene’s lawyer explained, a deportation “would have put the family at grave risk of seeing a loving, caring, compassionate wife and mother ripped from the family and deported.”   Fair point.  Whatever would the kids do without all that caring.  [Huffington Post]

. . .

“Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Lawyers.”   No, it’s not some weak joke; it’s the actual name of a new study by a Vanderbilt law school professor debating whether a law degree—a degree that demands three years of your time, $200K of your money and every waking minute of your life thereafter if you plan to work in the only kind of legal job that will actually allow you to pay back your tuition for said degree—is a good idea.  Guess how that debate shakes out?  [WSJ Law Blog]

. . .

One of the downsides of murdering a famous person: Your name just might show up on the Interwebs.  Sorry.  Apparently two Germans convicted of killing an actor in 1990 never quite figured that out; they’re now suing Wikipedia’s parent in an effort to force the online encyclopedia to remove their names from an English-language entry about their crime. [ABA Journal]

. . .

If you were holding out hope that kids today aren’t shooting each other over things like 40-cent chicken wing promotions, you’re not going to like this.  [NY Times]

News Roundup 10.28.09

October 28, 2009

How badly do you want to go to the World Series?   Badly enough to post an ad on Craigslist offering sex for World Series tix—only to get arrested hours later when the cops “answer” your ad?  Well, then you don’t want to go nearly as badly as this diehard Phillies fan.  Slacker.  [NBC Philadelphia]

. . .

The New York Times offers new insight into the inner workings of law firm managers’ minds when they decide who gets laid off and who get to stay.  According to a “Washington lawyer friend” of the op-ed columnist,  ”[L]awyers who were used to just showing up and having work handed to them were the first to go because with the bursting of the credit bubble, that flow of work just isn’t there. But those who have the ability to imagine new services, new opportunities and new ways to recruit work were being retained. They are the new untouchables.”  Funny, that’s JUST how it went down in my firm.  What’s the billing code for “imagining” again?  [NYT]

. . .

Fraud?  By the Church of Scientology?  The group that routinely pressures its members to fork over as much money as they can afford and believes that an intergalactic warlord named Xenu is responsible for infusing us all with soul pieces?  I know, we didn’t believe it at first either.  But rest assured, at least in the eyes of the Paris court who convicted the cult church of fraud on Tuesday and fined it more than half a million euros, Scientology’s got some ‘splainin’ to do.  [WSJ Law Blog]

. . .

Not surprising:  There’s been a rash of break-ins to celebrity homes in Los Angeles recently, including the lairs of Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Orlando Bloom.  Surprising: Those responsible for the alleged robberies are a band of teenage girls obsessed with clothing and jewelry.   According to police, the enterprising ladies “studied” celeb magazines, television shows, and websites to pick out what clothing they wanted, cased the homes and stole their chosen items.  Ah, who says the American teens never study?  [Fashionista]

. . .

Lady lawyers:  Bad at rainmaking or good at…realizing that the time you spend rainmaking could be spend making (more) money for yourself in a job that doesn’t expect you to work 3,000 hours a year?  [Above the Law]

News Roundup 9.28.09

September 28, 2009

Wondering what’s bound to happen when a cricket-loving, Texan pseudo-knight shows up in jail for defrauding investors out of $7 billion?  Ask “Sir” Allen Stanford—after he gets out of the prison infirmary, that is.  [Dealbreaker]

. . .

Seventy-six-year-old Oscar-winning director Roman Polanski arrived at the Zurich airport this weekend to pick up a lifetime achievement award at the Zurich Film Festival and left the Zurich airport this weekend in handcuffs, arrested on a 31-year-old warrant for having sex in 1977 with a 13-year-old girl.  [Popsquire]

. . .

Two things that the Wal-Mart in Peoria, Arizona apparently will not tolerate: Kiddie porn and employees with an IQ over 4.  This family learned the hard way. [WSJ Law Blog]

. . .

A disgruntled Bank of America customer in New York named Dalton Chiscolm has filed a lawsuit against the mega-bank and its board for “1,784 billion, trillion dollars,” demanding that B of A deposit the funds into his bank account the next day, after complaining that he received inconsistent service and that certain of his checks were rejected because of incomplete routing numbers.  Sort of like that one he wrote to himself for a billion trillion dollars.  [NY Daily News]

. . .

When it comes to licensing its attorneys, the Florida State Bar apparently doesn’t have a sense of humor about air rage.  [South Florida Sun-Sentinel]

. . .

A practicing judge and law professor at the University at Buffalo law school says seven students saved his life when they rushed him to the hospital after ignoring his protests to be left alone after he complained of a pain in his knee.  “I would have never had a chance if it wasn’t for those seven law school students,” the prof explained. “Lawyers are supposed to be compassionate, and these future lawyers were compassionate. They did the greatest job for me when they could have walked right out the door.” Aaaaand there goes the curve for the rest of the class.   [ABA Journal]

Next Page »