News Roundup

Once-popular actron and female impersonator Nicollette Sheridan is suing Desperate Housewives creator, Marc Cherry, for allegedly smacking her in the face and then killing off her character after she confronted him about the assault.  Cherry’s explanation for why Sheridan’s character, “Edie,” took a hit?  “Edie’s already slept with most of the guys on the street and has caused about as many problems as she could.”   No double-meaning to see here, folks, none at all.  [Defamer]

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A lady who is NOT a hooker talks about what it’s like to do things with rich men for money that do NOT in any way make her a hooker.  Ever.  No hookers here.  Zero.  If you want to see a hooker, do NOT click on this link.   [NY Magazine]

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Harvard Law School admits to its job-challenged Class of 2010 that the “HLS experience” hasn’t quite been the pot of gold at the end of the Crimson rainbow that its students thought it might be—and then hits them up for twenty bucks.  [Above the Law]

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Poor Jesse James.  He’s off trying to lead a virtuous, quiet life in “sex rehab” and the press just won’t leave him alone.  His lawyer, Joe Yanny, outraged with the media for their constant coverage of the scandal and James’s treatment, explained, “The First Amendment was not meant to cover the sexual lives of people who are not in office,” says Yanny. “It’s disgusting.”   Such an apt description.  For so many things.  [People]

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For all you aspiring Yale profs: The university has officially banned faculty members from having sexual relationships with not only their own students, but any Yale undergrad, period.  Sorry.   [NBC Connecticut]

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Put away your wands, friends.  A New York City “preacher,” the Reverend Billy Talen has been arrested for placing a “holy hex” on JPMorgan Chase.  Protesting what he believes is JP Morgan’s financing for mountaintop removal in Appalachia, Talen led his Life After Shopping Gospel Choir to two Chase bank branches, where his singers “deposited” mounds of “sacred dirt” from the mountains of West Virginia all over the banks’ lobbies.  [Courthouse News]

News Roundup 2.12.10

Just in time for Valentine’s Day: An ambassador to Dubai has annulled his marriage after discovering that his bride—who had never revealed herself, wearing the full Islamic face-covering Niqab on the occasions the couple had met—was “cross-eyed and had facial hair” when he lifted her veil to kiss her.  The  told a Sharia court that his bride’s mother had tricked him by showing him pictures of her sister.  [BBC]

Speaking of romance: According to court records filed yesterday, 73-year-old Dennis Hopper’s 42-year-old wife has agreed to stay 10 feet away from the ailing actor and not contact him directly as they sort through their impending divorce.  [HuffPost]

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Think that John Edwards and Beyonce’s dad have nothing in common?  Think again.  Or just ask their mistresses.  Or better yet, their lawyers.  [E! Online]

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Are you noticing a Parents-of-the-Century theme to today’s news roundup?  If not, this choice item should seal the deal.  [Popsquire]

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An ex-Sullivan and Cromwell corporate lawyer-turned psychotherapist who blogs as The People’s Therapist lends some insight into why lawyers are angry, bitter, miserable wretches—and compares working in a law firm to Auschwitz.  [Above the Law]

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A Florida jury spreads the pain of a Brazilian bikini wax gone bad.  [Click Orlando]

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In the spirit of Valentine’s Day a lawyer-search service is offering “advice” about the do’s and don’ts of dating attorneys, with hilarious items like “Always cite sources” and “Speak Latin.”  We told you it was hilarious. [Avvo]

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Super hard-core, edgy edgy musiciatron apologizes for being incredible douchebag.  America yawns.  [US Weekly]

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News Roundup 9.23.09

Want to succeed in nabbing that dream legal job you thought was out of your reach?  Start tweeting.  An article appearing in the National Law Journal today encourages law students faced with imminent joblessness to increase their chances of landing that sweet job by “networking exponentially” by “sharing their message broadly” on sites like Twitter.  Good call. Because if anything’s going to land you that gig at Cravath, it’s a steady stream of “pantyRade34 @MexicoRob Yam burritos and Cougar Town with Ms. Puttykat rocks my world, yummm!!!!” [Law.com]

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Manorexia comes to the mayor’s office in New York City.  [Dealbreaker]

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“To quote the great Marty Singer — Eric Dane’s lawyer — if you don’t want a sex tape on the internet, ‘don’t make one!’”  to quote the great Nick Denton, founder of Gawker media and recent target of a lawsuit for introducing the world to that smoky, liquor-soaked sex tape that Eric “McSteamy” Dane made with the girl from the old Noxema commercials and some former teen-beauty-queen hooker.  [Gawker]

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Whip out that platinum Amex, all you law firm types out there—the worst of the recession is over for law firms!  Well, at least according to a recent survey by PriceWaterhouseCoopers.  Bring on those bonuses. [ABA Journal]

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Day care center. Dogfighting ring. Day care center. Dogfighting ring. Daycare center. Dogfighting ring.  Day care ce—  Nope, no luck, no matter how many times you say it, the two just don’t click.  The Cook County sheriff’s department apparently agrees. [HuffPost]

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Lawyer Howard K. Stern eleven steps closer to being blamed for the death of Anna Nicole Smith.  If by “steps,” you mean “felony counts,” that is.  [Popsquire]

News Roundup 9.14.09

When the judge hearing your case starts quoting Oscar Wilde, you can be pretty damn sure you’re screwed from that point forward.  Just ask Bank of America. [Dealbreaker]

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Might as well go out with a bang—and a yacht: Wells Fargo has fired an SVP in charge of foreclosed commercial properties for throwing a few bashes at a vacant $12 million Malibu beach home—including one rager in which guests were escorted to the house by private yacht.  Sort of makes that bag full of extra highlighters you stole from your firm when you found out you were getting laid off seem less exciting, no? [Los Angeles Times]

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Oh, we do hope you’re sitting down:  A groundbreaking recent study by a “director of a project at UCLA law school” finds that law students who fail the bar exam have a difficult time making ends meet initially after law school, “never catch[ing] up to their lawyer peers.”  The director cautions that the results of the study should serve as a cautionary tale to law schools, suggesting that, “[a]t the very least, law schools owe it to their prospective students to provide candid information about the risks of attending law school.”  May we suggest they start here. [ABA Journal]

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Rod Blagojevitch more terrifyingly stupid than originally thought… [Gawker]

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…but at least he’s not the most hated man in the music industry.  After last night, anyway. [Defamer]

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Let’s see: You’re a lawyer.  You’re appearing in front of a judge who you think is a useless idiot.  You have a blog. With your name plastered all over it.  You write on your  blog that this judge is an “evil, unfair witch.” Now….guess what happens?  No, really, guess.  Come on, take a guess.  [New York Times]

News Roundup 9.09.09

Ladies, keep hope alive: After more than a decade of legal separation, Hugh Hefner is seeking an official return to full-fledged bachelor status. The 83-year-old Playboy founder filed for divorce on Friday from his wife and former Playmate, Kimberly.  [HuffPost]

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The people have spoken.  The Douchiest Law School has officially been crowned.  Tucker Max fans, rejoice.  [Above the Law]

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Kissing is now banned in some parts of France.  Blame the swine. [BBC]

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Think that Nino Scalia and Ricky Martin have nothing in common?  Think again. [NYT]

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Speaking of the Supremes, a new Gallup poll has found that half of Americans believe the court is “about right” ideologically, representing an all-time high and an increase of 7% over last year.  It remains unclear to what extent Ricky Martin influenced the results.  [ABA Journal]

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Get it while it’s hot—on so many levels: Bernie Madoff’s former $7 million Palm Beach weekend shack is up for sale through the U.S. Marshals Service.  The Marshals have packed away items such as clothing, artistic birds nests mounted in the living room rafters, along with statues, figurines and paintings of bulls, explaining “We’ve taken away things that screamed Bernie Madoff.”  Good luck with that.  [Bloomberg]

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Glenn Beck’s lawyers are now on the public prowl for “defamatory domains” involving their client, spurred on by the recent creation of “GlennBeckRapedandMurderedaYoungGirlin1990.com,” the site that promotes for parody purposes the false rumor that Glenn Beck raped and murdered a young girl in 1990.   Never heard of it until now?  Neither did we.  Nice job, lawyers.  [Gawker]

News Roundup 9.08.09

Do you have a legal secretary?  Do you let her use your corporate Amex card?  Did she rack up over $40,000 on it to fly a few “erotic male dancers” to Puerto Rico for a private party for her secret male stripper/escort business?  Well, then, you’re not alone. [Above the Law]

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It was announced today that New Line Cinema and the heirs of J.R.R. Tolkien have settled a lawsuit over profits from the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy, clearing the way for a two-film prequel based on Tolkien’s novel “The Hobbit.”  J.K. Rowling, take notes.  [Huff Post]

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Skadden to…$100??  The ABA Journal reports on a law firm consultant who’s heralding the new age of Big Law salaries—which should be slashed down to around $100,000 - $125,000 if law firms know what’s good for them, he argues.  Just in time for Fall OCI.  [ABA Journal]

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How not to get an assistant gig in Hollywood—or an invite to the premier of “Oceans 14.” [TMZ]

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Another day, another hooker trying to thwart Elliot Spitzer’s self-proclaimed comeback.  Oh, and this one’s even thinking of serving herself up for political office.  Among other things, no doubt. [Gawker]

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Getting set for your next jewelry-stealing spree?  Make sure to dig up all the marijuana in your front yard before you hit the town.  Just ask this guy.  [CBS News]