News Roundup 11.12.09

Point one of the Practioner’s Guide to Getting Away With Sexual Harrassment:  Avoid cucumbers in close quarters.  Apparently, the geniuses over at Richmond-based law firm Williams Mullen skipped that one—and are facing a $950,000 discrimination and sexual harrassment suit by a former employee because of it.   And according to the complaint, cucumber incidents should be the least of their worries.  [Above the Law]

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We’re not sure what’s more troubling: That FantasyScotus.net, a new legal gambling site for law lovers, is up and running—or that “FantasyScotus.com” was already taken.  [WSJ Law Blog]

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The NYPD is reporting that Lionel McIntyre, a prominent (black) architecture professor at Columbia University, punched a female (white) university employee in the face at a Harlem bar yesterday during a “heated argument about race relations.”   Can’t wait to see how their argument on gender relations turns out.  [NY Post]

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Who knew that the name ”Lawyer of Love” was such a hot property?  Cori Fetman, the Chicago divorce lawyer who used to pen a “Lawyer of Love” advice column for Playboy Magazine and once posed half naked on a billboard in Chicago to promote her law practice (“Life’s Short.  Get a divorce.”) is now being sued by the magazine to stop her from using the Lawyer of Love name on her website.  Fetman claims in her own lawsuit against Playboy that she lost the column because she turned down sexual advances by one of the magazine’s execs.  I know, we can’t keep it all straight, either.    [ABA Journal]

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Something to make you feel a little better about your own sex life—well, or maybe worse:  Caroline Cartwright, a British woman who was banned from making loud noises during sex has lost an appeal against her conviction in a British court.  A neighbor described the lurve noises as sounding  like Cartwright and her partner were “both in considerable pain. I cannot describe the noise. I have never ever heard anything like it.”   See, you do feel better, don’t you?  Sort of?  [BBC News]

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Are you one of those lawyers beseiged by letters from self-proclaimed adoring fans?  In other words, are you exactly like Marc Randazza, the attorney who successfully represented the owner of satirical website called glennbeckrapedandmurderedayounggirlin1990.com against an attack by Glenn Beck?  Well, then, you’d do well to start taking notes from Mr. Randazza on how to respond to fans.  Because as far as we can tell, his approach has ‘em all beat.  Hats off.    [THResq]

News Roundup 11.11.09

So, we drop off the radar here at the SHJ Hot News desk for a few short days (OK, fine, a few more than a few), and we’re welcomed back with stories of an S&M-loving lady lawyer living in Russia, a sex-tape-loving lady monster living in California, a legal bitchslap for Glenn Beck, a legal lovetap for Obama’s healthcare bill, a historically humiliating day for the Justice Department and a low point for Big Law associates everywhere, courtesy of Cravath.  Clearly, we need to drop off the radar more often.

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And you thought beauty queens couldn’t get any classier than Carrie the Good Masturbating Christian Prejean. Obviously, you haven’t met England’s own Rachel Christie, the reigning Miss England who was forced to give up her crown after being arrested for starting a brawl in a nightclub with another beauty queen.  [Brisbane Times]

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Eight words you probably never thought you’d hear: “Bernie Madoff’s wooden duck decoy can be yours.” We’re not kidding—on either front.  [Gawker]

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Just when the public had run out of things to mock about Joe Halderman, David Letterman’s failed exortionist, his lawyer goes and files a motion to dismiss the case against him on the theory that Halderman was just trying to pitch Dave a screenplay, arguing that Halderman’s conduct was nothing but “a pure commercial transaction.”  Let the mocking resume.  [Popsquire]

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No, there’s no such thing as too many sex tapes in one week.  Although J.Lo would likely disagree.  A California judge shut down the singer’s ex-husband, Ojani Noa, from distributing a soft-core “movie” about his famous ex called ”How I Married Jennifer Lopez: The J.Lo and Ojani Noa Story,” which features racy footage from the pair’s 1997 honeymoon.  ”She is not being fair,” Noa griped after hearing the judge’s ruling, “She’s trying to stop me from moving on with my life.”  Which seems to be working out well for Noa so far.  [NY Post]

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One of the pros of having Justice Kennedy speak at your high-school assembly: You get to have…Justice  Kennedy speaking at your high-school assembly.  One of the cons: Good luck trying to write about it in your high-school newspaper without getting the good Justice’s publication approval first.  The kiddies over at Manhattan’s Dalton School learned the hard way.  [NY Times]

News Roundup 9.09.09

Ladies, keep hope alive: After more than a decade of legal separation, Hugh Hefner is seeking an official return to full-fledged bachelor status. The 83-year-old Playboy founder filed for divorce on Friday from his wife and former Playmate, Kimberly.  [HuffPost]

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The people have spoken.  The Douchiest Law School has officially been crowned.  Tucker Max fans, rejoice.  [Above the Law]

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Kissing is now banned in some parts of France.  Blame the swine. [BBC]

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Think that Nino Scalia and Ricky Martin have nothing in common?  Think again. [NYT]

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Speaking of the Supremes, a new Gallup poll has found that half of Americans believe the court is “about right” ideologically, representing an all-time high and an increase of 7% over last year.  It remains unclear to what extent Ricky Martin influenced the results.  [ABA Journal]

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Get it while it’s hot—on so many levels: Bernie Madoff’s former $7 million Palm Beach weekend shack is up for sale through the U.S. Marshals Service.  The Marshals have packed away items such as clothing, artistic birds nests mounted in the living room rafters, along with statues, figurines and paintings of bulls, explaining “We’ve taken away things that screamed Bernie Madoff.”  Good luck with that.  [Bloomberg]

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Glenn Beck’s lawyers are now on the public prowl for “defamatory domains” involving their client, spurred on by the recent creation of “GlennBeckRapedandMurderedaYoungGirlin1990.com,” the site that promotes for parody purposes the false rumor that Glenn Beck raped and murdered a young girl in 1990.   Never heard of it until now?  Neither did we.  Nice job, lawyers.  [Gawker]