News Roundup

Once-popular actron and female impersonator Nicollette Sheridan is suing Desperate Housewives creator, Marc Cherry, for allegedly smacking her in the face and then killing off her character after she confronted him about the assault.  Cherry’s explanation for why Sheridan’s character, “Edie,” took a hit?  “Edie’s already slept with most of the guys on the street and has caused about as many problems as she could.”   No double-meaning to see here, folks, none at all.  [Defamer]

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A lady who is NOT a hooker talks about what it’s like to do things with rich men for money that do NOT in any way make her a hooker.  Ever.  No hookers here.  Zero.  If you want to see a hooker, do NOT click on this link.   [NY Magazine]

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Harvard Law School admits to its job-challenged Class of 2010 that the “HLS experience” hasn’t quite been the pot of gold at the end of the Crimson rainbow that its students thought it might be—and then hits them up for twenty bucks.  [Above the Law]

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Poor Jesse James.  He’s off trying to lead a virtuous, quiet life in “sex rehab” and the press just won’t leave him alone.  His lawyer, Joe Yanny, outraged with the media for their constant coverage of the scandal and James’s treatment, explained, “The First Amendment was not meant to cover the sexual lives of people who are not in office,” says Yanny. “It’s disgusting.”   Such an apt description.  For so many things.  [People]

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For all you aspiring Yale profs: The university has officially banned faculty members from having sexual relationships with not only their own students, but any Yale undergrad, period.  Sorry.   [NBC Connecticut]

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Put away your wands, friends.  A New York City “preacher,” the Reverend Billy Talen has been arrested for placing a “holy hex” on JPMorgan Chase.  Protesting what he believes is JP Morgan’s financing for mountaintop removal in Appalachia, Talen led his Life After Shopping Gospel Choir to two Chase bank branches, where his singers “deposited” mounds of “sacred dirt” from the mountains of West Virginia all over the banks’ lobbies.  [Courthouse News]

News Roundup 10.28.09

How badly do you want to go to the World Series?   Badly enough to post an ad on Craigslist offering sex for World Series tix—only to get arrested hours later when the cops “answer” your ad?  Well, then you don’t want to go nearly as badly as this diehard Phillies fan.  Slacker.  [NBC Philadelphia]

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The New York Times offers new insight into the inner workings of law firm managers’ minds when they decide who gets laid off and who get to stay.  According to a “Washington lawyer friend” of the op-ed columnist,  ”[L]awyers who were used to just showing up and having work handed to them were the first to go because with the bursting of the credit bubble, that flow of work just isn’t there. But those who have the ability to imagine new services, new opportunities and new ways to recruit work were being retained. They are the new untouchables.”  Funny, that’s JUST how it went down in my firm.  What’s the billing code for “imagining” again?  [NYT]

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Fraud?  By the Church of Scientology?  The group that routinely pressures its members to fork over as much money as they can afford and believes that an intergalactic warlord named Xenu is responsible for infusing us all with soul pieces?  I know, we didn’t believe it at first either.  But rest assured, at least in the eyes of the Paris court who convicted the cult church of fraud on Tuesday and fined it more than half a million euros, Scientology’s got some ’splainin’ to do.  [WSJ Law Blog]

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Not surprising:  There’s been a rash of break-ins to celebrity homes in Los Angeles recently, including the lairs of Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Orlando Bloom.  Surprising: Those responsible for the alleged robberies are a band of teenage girls obsessed with clothing and jewelry.   According to police, the enterprising ladies “studied” celeb magazines, television shows, and websites to pick out what clothing they wanted, cased the homes and stole their chosen items.  Ah, who says the American teens never study?  [Fashionista]

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Lady lawyers:  Bad at rainmaking or good at…realizing that the time you spend rainmaking could be spend making (more) money for yourself in a job that doesn’t expect you to work 3,000 hours a year?  [Above the Law]

News Roundup 10.1.09

No.  We’re sorry, but we can’t agree with you.  In the wake of his latest legal efforts, we refuse to say that Jon Gosselin of Jon & Kate Plus Hate fame is an incredible douchebag.  Because that would be an insult to incredible douchebags the world over.  [Popsquire]

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And you thought convicted Ponzi schemer and ex-lawyer Marc Dreier was to blame for defrauding investors out of $380 million.  Oh, naive soul.  Turns out, the Hamptons were to blame all along.  [NY Post]

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Cristina Warthen, the former high-end hooker who worked her way through Stanford Law on her back and later pled guilty to tax evasion, has been sentenced to one year home detention and ordered to pay $243,000 in back taxes and fines.  In other words, she got laid in law school about seven thousand more times than you did, got paid for it, and has just been ordered to hang around her house for a while.  On an unrelated note, how’s that sweet big-firm associate gig working out for you so far?  [Valleywag]

News Roundup 9.15.09

We know, we know:  After today’s ruling, we don’t know what to do with that file folder of hooker and porn receipts anymore, either.   Thanks a lot, tax court.  [TaxProf Blog]

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A California writer is fighting to get a measure on the ballot to ban divorce.  He’s collecting signatures for the California Protection of Marriage Act, which he describes as the ”logical extension of Proposition 8.”  If passed, would make divorce illegal in California.  And yes, he’s joking.   Sort of.  [HuffPost]

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The recession is over.  The recession is over?  If you ask Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke, it is—from “a technical perspective,” at least.  Hell, we’ll take it.   [Daily Beast]

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Your government has spoken: “You Lie” Congressman Joe Wilson deemed an official douchebag by the House of Representatives today.  [Politico]

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Want to spend your days mingling with billionaire clients draped in exotic hardware and bold, fashion-forward colors?  Go work for the public defender—in Dallas, at least.  Because (former) billionaire banker and world-class scam artist ‘Sir’ Allen Stanford has been ordered a public defender in his $7 billion investor fraud case after running out of cash for a real attorney.  [ABC News]

News Roundup 9.08.09

Do you have a legal secretary?  Do you let her use your corporate Amex card?  Did she rack up over $40,000 on it to fly a few “erotic male dancers” to Puerto Rico for a private party for her secret male stripper/escort business?  Well, then, you’re not alone. [Above the Law]

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It was announced today that New Line Cinema and the heirs of J.R.R. Tolkien have settled a lawsuit over profits from the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy, clearing the way for a two-film prequel based on Tolkien’s novel “The Hobbit.”  J.K. Rowling, take notes.  [Huff Post]

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Skadden to…$100??  The ABA Journal reports on a law firm consultant who’s heralding the new age of Big Law salaries—which should be slashed down to around $100,000 - $125,000 if law firms know what’s good for them, he argues.  Just in time for Fall OCI.  [ABA Journal]

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How not to get an assistant gig in Hollywood—or an invite to the premier of “Oceans 14.” [TMZ]

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Another day, another hooker trying to thwart Elliot Spitzer’s self-proclaimed comeback.  Oh, and this one’s even thinking of serving herself up for political office.  Among other things, no doubt. [Gawker]

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Getting set for your next jewelry-stealing spree?  Make sure to dig up all the marijuana in your front yard before you hit the town.  Just ask this guy.  [CBS News]