News Roundup 1.15.10

NBC executron Dick Ebersol took time earlier today to fuel the latest Jay vs. Conan fire, calling out his network’s own Conan O’Brien for being a “chicken-hearted,” “gutless” failure.  On an unrelated note, highlights from NBC’s recent remake of Knight Rider are available for download here.  [NY Times]

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Recent reports have confirmed: When you submit that unsolicited manuscript to the nearest publisher/ agent/ fame-making media machine, the terrorists win.  Don’t say we didn’t warn you.  [WSJ Online]

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How do you spell “excitement” if you’re a futures trader in Chicago?  Nose-biting and fist fights, apparently.  As if you didn’t already know that.  [Dealbreaker]

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You thought the waves of major law firm layoffs were over.  You were wrong.  [ABA Journal]

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In a related story, early reports suggest that, despite the global economic reign of fire that burned through Big Law over the past year, profits per partner remained  strong in 2009.  See?  All those associate layoffs had a silver lining, didn’t they, kids?  No?  [Above the Law]

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Still haven’t locked down a new job?   Wondering what it might be like to work in a mansion…naked?  Well, polish up your boobs resume, kids, because Hef’s apparently taking applications.  [Huff Post]

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Speaking of job hunting, it looks like the top spot in Apple’s legal department just flew open.  After just 18 months lawyering at the altar of all things tech sexy, the company’s general counsel, Charles Charnas, has officially left.  No word yet on where he’s heading—or who’s taking over the top spot.   [Law.com]

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Just when you were thinking Times Square would be that much better if only it were filled with a rotating 30-foot-tall display of headshots of the FBI’s most wanted fugitives, your wish comes true.  You’re welcome.  [Gawker]

News Roundup 11.13.09

It was only a matter of time before dragon-eyed baby farmer Jon Gosselin found himself a new lawyer—and that time is now, apparently.  In the latest installment in his kids’ future rehab story-circles, Gosselin has filed a $5 million lawsuit against the TLC network, claiming that its representatives damaged his reputation and career by preventing him from working with other media outlets.  Yep, that’s what did all that damage.  [People]

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Speaking of Parents of the Year, Colorado’s own Richard and Mayumi Heene, parents of the vomit-prone (never-went-in-a-) ballon boy are  reportedly pleading guilty today to the felony charge of attempting to influence a public servant in connection with their flying saucer hoax.  The apparent motivation for the plea was the likely deportation of Mayumi, a Japanese citizen, if the case proceeded to trial.  As the Heene’s lawyer explained, a deportation “would have put the family at grave risk of seeing a loving, caring, compassionate wife and mother ripped from the family and deported.”   Fair point.  Whatever would the kids do without all that caring.  [Huffington Post]

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“Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Lawyers.”   No, it’s not some weak joke; it’s the actual name of a new study by a Vanderbilt law school professor debating whether a law degree—a degree that demands three years of your time, $200K of your money and every waking minute of your life thereafter if you plan to work in the only kind of legal job that will actually allow you to pay back your tuition for said degree—is a good idea.  Guess how that debate shakes out?  [WSJ Law Blog]

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One of the downsides of murdering a famous person: Your name just might show up on the Interwebs.  Sorry.  Apparently two Germans convicted of killing an actor in 1990 never quite figured that out; they’re now suing Wikipedia’s parent in an effort to force the online encyclopedia to remove their names from an English-language entry about their crime. [ABA Journal]

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If you were holding out hope that kids today aren’t shooting each other over things like 40-cent chicken wing promotions, you’re not going to like this.  [NY Times]

News Roundup 9.23.09

Want to succeed in nabbing that dream legal job you thought was out of your reach?  Start tweeting.  An article appearing in the National Law Journal today encourages law students faced with imminent joblessness to increase their chances of landing that sweet job by “networking exponentially” by “sharing their message broadly” on sites like Twitter.  Good call. Because if anything’s going to land you that gig at Cravath, it’s a steady stream of “pantyRade34 @MexicoRob Yam burritos and Cougar Town with Ms. Puttykat rocks my world, yummm!!!!” [Law.com]

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Manorexia comes to the mayor’s office in New York City.  [Dealbreaker]

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“To quote the great Marty Singer — Eric Dane’s lawyer — if you don’t want a sex tape on the internet, ‘don’t make one!’”  to quote the great Nick Denton, founder of Gawker media and recent target of a lawsuit for introducing the world to that smoky, liquor-soaked sex tape that Eric “McSteamy” Dane made with the girl from the old Noxema commercials and some former teen-beauty-queen hooker.  [Gawker]

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Whip out that platinum Amex, all you law firm types out there—the worst of the recession is over for law firms!  Well, at least according to a recent survey by PriceWaterhouseCoopers.  Bring on those bonuses. [ABA Journal]

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Day care center. Dogfighting ring. Day care center. Dogfighting ring. Daycare center. Dogfighting ring.  Day care ce—  Nope, no luck, no matter how many times you say it, the two just don’t click.  The Cook County sheriff’s department apparently agrees. [HuffPost]

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Lawyer Howard K. Stern eleven steps closer to being blamed for the death of Anna Nicole Smith.  If by “steps,” you mean “felony counts,” that is.  [Popsquire]

News Roundup 9.07.09

Sweeter and Hotter!

No, you’re not hallucinating; we’re rolling out a new site design today for your Labor Day pleasure.  Your favorite columns are still here, but there will be a few more features coming down the pike to make your daily dose of Sweet Hot Justice a little sweeter, a little hotter, a little more…justicey.  Drop a line to let us know what you think.  Enjoy. [Sweet Hot Justice—Contact Us]

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Just when you thought the occasionally bisexual, inflatable reality-TV star Tila Tequila had hung up her pasties and settled down behind a picket-white fence somewhere in New Jersey, this happens: NFL star Todd Shawne Merriman has been arrested for choking the demi-star of MTV’s short-lived “A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila.”  Merriman’s attorney was quoted as saying that, in allegedly assaulting girlfriend Tequila, the linebacker “essentially was doing what was appropriate under the circumstances.”  This is why lawyers aren’t publicists, folks.   [HuffPost]

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Nor, apparently, are they capable of counting.  Especially in law school.  [WSJ]

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Big Law not working out for you like you thought it should?  Break out the legos.  No, for real.  Get them out now. [National Law Journal via Law.com]

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Pathetic, humiliating and terrifying: No, that’s not the title of your firm’s latest associate satisfaction report; it’s a preview of the 477-page “Madoff Report” that the SEC’s inspector general released on Friday detailing how the SEC missed more red flags than even Christo would know what to do with when in their investigation of Bernie Madoff over the past several years.  Mortifying, yes, but hey, at least these guys aren’t in charge of regulating the country’s financial institutions because, Christ, if they were, this country would be in some serious—  Oh.  Right.  [WSJ]

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The downside of working on Labor Day:  You’re working on Labor Day.  The upside of working on Labor Day: After last week, it’s a pretty safe bet that at least a few dozen associates at Kirkland, Baker Botts, Sonnenschein, Fish & Richardson, Cooley and more would be more than happy to trade places with you.  [Above the Law]