News Roundup 3.11.10

March 11, 2010

Eric Massa, the freshly resigned Congressman accused of groping and sexually harassing his male staffers, recently sparred with Larry King, bristling at King’s question as to whether Massa is gay.  ”Here’s that answer: I’m not gonna answer that,” Massa replied, “In year 2010, why don’t you ask my wife? Ask my friends. Ask the 10,000 sailors that I served with in the navy.”  Might want to run with a different tactic there, buddy.  [HuffPost]

. . .

Dating a lawyer?   Be sure not to miss this new gem, then.  Sorry.   [Boing Boing]

. . .

A few of Princeton’s bestest and brightest bankers-to-be have been interviewed in their college newspaper about the real reasons why 22-year-olds go into investment banking.  Our favorite response, from Rebecca Yu ’11: ”Money is an attractive factor, but it’s not the real reason people go into an investment bank,” she said, “[P]eople do it because they’re genuinely interested in [investment banking].”  And then Yu unzipped her skin and asked for the nearest robot bus back to The Land Where Lying People Lie. And Are Crazy.  [Daily Princetonian via Ivy Gate]

. . .

“How to Justify a Frivolous Lawsuit” (or, “What to Do When Your Client Wants $100 Million to Prove She’s a Fictional Whore-Baby”).  [THR, Esq.]

. . .

You’re too late:  While you were off dragging your heels, buying your little ones things like “formula” and “clothes” and “items that don’t require a visit from Social Services,” the Maryland company operating as Baby Beer Bottles, Inc., which sold 16-ounce baby bottles designed to look like Budweiser and Miller Lite bottles and marketed “for your little drinker,” has shut down their website after Anheuser-Busch filed a federal lawsuit this week claiming that the company infringes on its valuable trademarks.  [The Smoking Gun]

. . .

The seven 119 dirty words you can’t say in radio, at least according to shock-jock turned Tribune Company CEO Randy Michaels.  [Gawker]

News Roundup 3.2.10

March 2, 2010

The apparent value of a Georgetown Law degree, in 2010 dollars: $222.50, plus an iPod Nano and a date with a war room full of sad lawyer ladies.  Don’t believe us?  Ask this guy.  [Above the Law]

. . .

If you were looking for another reason not to work at Skadden, try “Increases Chances of Actually Being Murdered in Your Sleep.”   [Washington Post]

. . .

Are lawyers “holding happiness hostage”?  The WSJ Law Blog attempts to ferret out an answer: “Yes, lots of lawyers are miserable. But lots of lawyers —even lawyers at big firms— are happy.  And we’d argue that for these folks, the happiness actually derives from the process, not the goal itself.”   See, friends, that’s the feeling you couldn’t quite place the last time you were off deriving some process in your office at 3 a.m. on a Saturday.  Happiness.  [WSJ Law Blog]

. . .

Before you read any further, we have to warn you: Please make sure you’re sitting down. Are you? For real?  OK, don’t say we didn’t warn you:  The ABA Journal is reporting that, “Despite having landed prestigious summer associate positions last year, a number [of Harvard law students] have been no-offered and forced to face up to an unpleasant fact, writes an anonymous 3L in the Harvard Law Record.”   We know, we know, shut up already, Haiti.  [ABA Journal]

. . .

Former aspiring lawyer Alec Baldwin rubs some salt in the wounds of a group of law students at Fordham Law School.   [NY Daily News]

. . .

“Drunk mom allegedly runs through school with sword.”  We could elaborate.  But why?  [My Way News]

. . .

After proposing to his girlfriend of six weeks in a Diamond Cellar store in Columbus, Ohio with a $58,000 engagement ring, an ophthalmologist filed suit in a Manhattan court against his now ex-fiancee when the engagement broke up a couple of weeks later and she refused to return the ring.  Sources have yet to confirm whether the ex-fiancee is refusing to return the ring as part of a serial-engagement scam, or if she’s merely traumatized from being proposed to in a place called “Diamond Cellar” in a mall in Ohio.  [NY Post]

. . .

News Roundup 2.12.10

February 12, 2010

Just in time for Valentine’s Day: An ambassador to Dubai has annulled his marriage after discovering that his bride—who had never revealed herself, wearing the full Islamic face-covering Niqab on the occasions the couple had met—was “cross-eyed and had facial hair” when he lifted her veil to kiss her.  The  told a Sharia court that his bride’s mother had tricked him by showing him pictures of her sister.  [BBC]

. . .

Speaking of romance: According to court records filed yesterday, 73-year-old Dennis Hopper’s 42-year-old wife has agreed to stay 10 feet away from the ailing actor and not contact him directly as they sort through their impending divorce.  [HuffPost]

. . .

Think that John Edwards and Beyonce’s dad have nothing in common?  Think again.  Or just ask their mistresses.  Or better yet, their lawyers.  [E! Online]

. . .

Are you noticing a Parents-of-the-Century theme to today’s news roundup?  If not, this choice item should seal the deal.  [Popsquire]

. . .

An ex-Sullivan and Cromwell corporate lawyer-turned psychotherapist who blogs as The People’s Therapist lends some insight into why lawyers are angry, bitter, miserable wretches—and compares working in a law firm to Auschwitz.  [Above the Law]

. . .

A Florida jury spreads the pain of a Brazilian bikini wax gone bad.  [Click Orlando]

. . .

In the spirit of Valentine’s Day a lawyer-search service is offering “advice” about the do’s and don’ts of dating attorneys, with hilarious items like “Always cite sources” and “Speak Latin.”  We told you it was hilarious. [Avvo]

. . .

Super hard-core, edgy edgy musiciatron apologizes for being incredible douchebag.  America yawns.  [US Weekly]

. . .

News Roundup 1.27.10

January 27, 2010

Scary, drunk, hate-mongering lunatic takes time off from being arrested to attempt a Hollywood comeback.  It doesn’t quite seem to be taking.  [Backstage]

. . .

A neighborhood association in Berkeley has filed a class action suit against U.C. Berkeley’s frats on a theory that apparently “has its roots in cities’ injunctions against criminal street gangs.”  Because if there’s one thing that comes to mind when you think of criminal street gangs, it’s a bunch of drunk, overprivileged white nerds who couldn’t get into Stanford projectile vomiting over the balcony of a converted Victorian row house.  [Above the Law]

. . .

Yet another group of law students rallies to bring the cast of Jersey Shore into their open arms.  Confusion ensues.  [Above the Law]

. . .

In related news, Jersey Shore‘s Vinny Guadagnino, the one that you’ve never heard of, revealed that he recently took the LSATs and is keeping law school “on the back burner,”  but admitted ”to tell you the truth, man, [being a] lawyer isn’t something I wanted to do. Nobody wants to be a lawyer — it’s hard work.”  Well, apparently no one told him that…that… Nope, sorry.  He’s right. [Perez Hilton]

. . .

Keifer Sutherland falls for the old “Give Me a Million Dollars for Some Mexican Cows” scam.  [Huff Post]

. . .

‘:-/   [ABA Journal]

. . .

The Los Angeles City Council has approved an ordinance intended to close hundreds of “medical marijuana” shops and banish those that remain to industrial areas.  Sorry.  [AP via Washington Post]

. . .

After Andy Dick’s arrest this past weekend on two felony sex abuse counts for crotch-grabbing a bouncer and kissing a male patron at a West Virginia bar, word’s hitting the street that it’s not the first time ol’ Andy’s been grab-happy on the record.  The latest story involves licking, groping and biting—with a few “coke whore” slurs thrown in for good measure.  And there’s audio!  [NY Post]

. . .

News Roundup 1.15.10

January 15, 2010

NBC executron Dick Ebersol took time earlier today to fuel the latest Jay vs. Conan fire, calling out his network’s own Conan O’Brien for being a “chicken-hearted,” “gutless” failure.  On an unrelated note, highlights from NBC’s recent remake of Knight Rider are available for download here.  [NY Times]

. . .

Recent reports have confirmed: When you submit that unsolicited manuscript to the nearest publisher/ agent/ fame-making media machine, the terrorists win.  Don’t say we didn’t warn you.  [WSJ Online]

. . .

How do you spell “excitement” if you’re a futures trader in Chicago?  Nose-biting and fist fights, apparently.  As if you didn’t already know that.  [Dealbreaker]

. . .

You thought the waves of major law firm layoffs were over.  You were wrong.  [ABA Journal]

. . .

In a related story, early reports suggest that, despite the global economic reign of fire that burned through Big Law over the past year, profits per partner remained  strong in 2009.  See?  All those associate layoffs had a silver lining, didn’t they, kids?  No?  [Above the Law]

. . .

Still haven’t locked down a new job?   Wondering what it might be like to work in a mansion…naked?  Well, polish up your boobs resume, kids, because Hef’s apparently taking applications.  [Huff Post]

. . .

Speaking of job hunting, it looks like the top spot in Apple’s legal department just flew open.  After just 18 months lawyering at the altar of all things tech sexy, the company’s general counsel, Charles Charnas, has officially left.  No word yet on where he’s heading—or who’s taking over the top spot.   [Law.com]

. . .

Just when you were thinking Times Square would be that much better if only it were filled with a rotating 30-foot-tall display of headshots of the FBI’s most wanted fugitives, your wish comes true.  You’re welcome.  [Gawker]

News Roundup 12.10.09

December 10, 2009

We could tell you the context in which Larry Flynt used the phrase “boob element” when testifying in front of a Los Angeles judge this week.  Or we could just let you guess.  [LA Times]

. . .

A hairy naked Republican who once posed crotch-and-center in Cosmo has won the Republican nomination for the late Ted Kennedy’s US Senate seat.  Cue the rolling.  As in “over in his grave.”  [Gawker]

. . .

Actual headline from the AP: “Florida woman accused of hitting man with raw steak.”  Yes, yes—you’re welcome. According to a County Sheriff’s Office report, the man told deputies that 53-year-old Elsie Egan “repeatedly hit him with the uncooked meat and slapped his face after he refused a piece of sliced bread. The man said he wanted a bread roll.”  [AP via Forbes]

. . .

At least a few second-year associates are getting $70,000  bonuses this year.  Yes, you read that right.  No, the bonuses don’t involve a time machine.  And no again, they’re not coming from where you’d think.  [Above the Law]

. . .

Singer, writer, producer and child porn connoisseur  R. Kelly has announced that he’s working on a memoir that will “tell it like it is.”   The autobiography is scheduled for release in 2011 and is as of yet untitled.  Hm.  We have a few suggestions.  [A.V. Club]

. . .

Think you might be laid off soon?  Try to nab a quick jury duty gig as soon as possible.  Just ask this Miami security guard who was just awarded $150,000 after she served a three-day stint as a juror in a South Florida murder trial—and was promptly fired by her employer.  Bring on that civic duty!  [Miami Herald]

. . .

News Roundup 12.2.09

December 2, 2009

Leave it to a lawyer to come up with the least sexy name imaginable for a law-firm version of a casting couch.  Behold: the “Couch of Restitution.”    Really, if you’re going to go through the effort of offering to accept sexual favors in exchange for legal fees—as the recently suspended Couch-coining lawyer in Michigan just did—at least come up with a snappier name for it for when you get busted.  [ABA Journal]

 . . .

Johnson & Johnson heiress Casey Johnson has been arrested for grand theft for stealing jewelry, shoes, underwear and clothes from a supermodel ex-BFF—oh, and for leaving a used vibrator in her bed.    [Gawker via NY Post]

. . .

In an apparent attempt to polish up the firm’s (lucite-heeled) white (patent-leather platform) shoe image, a recent lawsuit has revealed that the powers that be at Seyfarth Shaw sent around an email to all Los Angeles partners imploring them to “hustle for cash like you’ve never done before.”   [Above the Law]

. . .

Love getting all your daily news through Google?   Well, then you’re probably not going to love this.  [NY Times]

. . .

In a shocking, disturbing twist, news is just starting to leak that Obama party-crashers Tareq and Michaele Salahi may actually have lied about other public events in their lives, including their “signature social event,” the Land Rover America’s Polo cup, which apparently was neither sponsored by Land Rover nor as profitable as they claimed.  See?  Aren’t you glad you were sitting down?  [Washington Post]

  . . .

If you were hoping to connect with a few sex offender types on Facebook or MySpace, you’re now out of luck, thanks to NY Attorney General, Andrew Cuomo.  [NY Mag Daily Intel]

News Roundup 11.13.09

November 14, 2009

It was only a matter of time before dragon-eyed baby farmer Jon Gosselin found himself a new lawyer—and that time is now, apparently.  In the latest installment in his kids’ future rehab story-circles, Gosselin has filed a $5 million lawsuit against the TLC network, claiming that its representatives damaged his reputation and career by preventing him from working with other media outlets.  Yep, that’s what did all that damage.  [People]

. . .

Speaking of Parents of the Year, Colorado’s own Richard and Mayumi Heene, parents of the vomit-prone (never-went-in-a-) ballon boy are  reportedly pleading guilty today to the felony charge of attempting to influence a public servant in connection with their flying saucer hoax.  The apparent motivation for the plea was the likely deportation of Mayumi, a Japanese citizen, if the case proceeded to trial.  As the Heene’s lawyer explained, a deportation “would have put the family at grave risk of seeing a loving, caring, compassionate wife and mother ripped from the family and deported.”   Fair point.  Whatever would the kids do without all that caring.  [Huffington Post]

. . .

“Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Lawyers.”   No, it’s not some weak joke; it’s the actual name of a new study by a Vanderbilt law school professor debating whether a law degree—a degree that demands three years of your time, $200K of your money and every waking minute of your life thereafter if you plan to work in the only kind of legal job that will actually allow you to pay back your tuition for said degree—is a good idea.  Guess how that debate shakes out?  [WSJ Law Blog]

. . .

One of the downsides of murdering a famous person: Your name just might show up on the Interwebs.  Sorry.  Apparently two Germans convicted of killing an actor in 1990 never quite figured that out; they’re now suing Wikipedia’s parent in an effort to force the online encyclopedia to remove their names from an English-language entry about their crime. [ABA Journal]

. . .

If you were holding out hope that kids today aren’t shooting each other over things like 40-cent chicken wing promotions, you’re not going to like this.  [NY Times]

Next Page »